Her mother-in-law calls my mother-in-law mom

Love for grandma

Hello. I don’t understand how my mother-in-law bribed the love of my daughter, Sonechka, 1.5 years old. We live separately, she sees her 1-2 times a week for several hours. Yes, of course, she plays very noisily with her, runs, gives all her strength. As she herself says, then her legs and back hurt. He allows everything, carries on his hands.

BUT both I and my mother also play with Sonya, we carry it in our arms, we indulge her whims. And my mother lives with us, sees her granddaughter every day in the evenings after work. Of course, in addition to games, we need to feed the child, put him to bed, wash, etc.

So, if we are all together in one place, the child does not notice me and my mother, runs up to the mother-in-law, past us, plays only with her, literally looks into her mouth. It's disgusting. When I take her in my arms from the hands of my mother-in-law, she clings to her, cries, does not want to leave her.

When I leave and the child stays with my mom, she says she misses her, comes to the door, repeats mom. And when I leave with my mother-in-law, she doesn’t even remember me, I come back, I take it in my arms, and she cries, breaks out back to her. It's embarrassing to tears. And not only for myself, but also for another grandmother. My mother puts her whole soul into her, buys everything for her, toys, clothes. And she didn't spend a dime. Although once I bought her the cheapest rubber doll and that's it. They have the same financial opportunities, only she dresses with a needle, and my mother walks like a shobol, she helps us. As a person, the mother-in-law is a two-faced person, she puts a smile on herself and is kind of good. I believed that she was kind the first year, until the problem touched us. And she behaved very ugly.

How should I deal with this situation? And how to correct the attitude of the child to the mother-in-law in the future?

Comments

• Love for grandma

  Hello. I don’t understand how my mother-in-law bribed the love of my daughter, Sonechka, 1.5 years old. We live separately, she sees her 1-2 times a week for several hours. Yes, of course she plays with her very noisily, runs, ...

• Beloved grandmother

  My son loves my mother-in-law. He rarely sees my mother, she lives far away and works almost hopelessly. So I try to leave him with my mother-in-law less, probably because of stupid jealousy. mum...

• Attentive grandmother.

  My daughter slept a little outside, but a strong wind picked up, and we decided to sleep at home. The husband carries his daughter in a carrier, she sleeps quietly. On the way to the room, they run into the mother-in-law. She bulges her eyes, rushes to me ...

• Grandmothers and grandfathers

  Behind the happiest day in the life of every young family - a wedding. The parents of the bride and groom drank to the health of the young and exchanged promises to jointly look after their interests. At first, the matchmakers subtly hint, then persistently ask when...

• Loves grandma more than mom???!!!

  the topic is actually kind of strange for me .. Maybe everything seems to me, but the current situation really worries me, so I decided to ask for advice. In general, we live with my husband and daughter for 8 months with his parents. Mother in law...

• Don't like grandma and grandpa???

  Girls, something strange is going on with my child ... I don’t know if someone will read my post to the end, but I’ll write from afar so that everything is clear) we are now in the village with my great-grandmothers, I came with my husband .. .

When we get married or get married, we immediately have twice as many relatives. And they all have a name. You won't remember right away. No, well, you can’t confuse your mother-in-law with anyone! And now we'll deal with the rest ...

New relatives of the wife (bride)

mother in law is the husband's mother. For the mother-in-law - her son's wife will daughter-in-law.

father-in-law is the husband's father. For the father-in-law - his son's wife will daughter-in-law.

sister-in-law is the husband's sister. For the sister-in-law, her brother's wife will daughter-in-law.

brother-in-law is the husband's brother. For a brother-in-law, his brother's wife will daughter-in-law.

New relatives of the husband (groom)

mother-in-law is the wife's mother. For the mother-in-law, her daughter's husband will son-in-law.

Who is father-in-law

father-in-law is the wife's father. For the father-in-law, as well as for the mother-in-law, the husband of their daughter - son-in-law.

brother-in-law is the wife's brother. For the brother-in-law, the husband of his sister, as well as for the parents - son-in-law.

sister-in-law is the wife's sister. For the sister-in-law, as for the brother-in-law, their sister's husband will son-in-law.

New family ties between the parents of the bride and groom

Svatya- this is the mother of one of the spouses for the parents of the other spouse.

Matchmaker- the father of one of the spouses for the parents of the other spouse.

brother-in-law is the husband of one sister in relation to the husband of another. In-laws are also called any family ties between people who are not closely related.

Who are godfathers

Qom And godfather- godfather and mother, but not for the godson, but among themselves and in relation to the parents and relatives of the godson.

Other relatives

All other relatives of your husband/wife will be called for you in the same way as for him/her. If your husband has a niece, she remains a niece for you too. And you will be her uncle's wife for her.

My favorite group Gaza Sector had such a wonderful song Lullaby, in which the unforgettable Yura Khoy sang: “Your mother-in-law is my mother, she is tired of helping us, your mother is my mother-in-law, she drank blood from me.” Mother-in-law and blood rhyme elegantly (pure classics), and in general this is a long-established stereotype: mother-in-law and mother-in-law are other people's mothers, the meaning of whose existence is to spoil your life.

I read a lot about how to properly build relationships with my mother-in-law, I wanted to write these tips. But I thought that after all I have a rich personal experience communication with the mother-in-law, or rather, mother-in-law. Mendelssohn's waltz in my mortal life sounded more than once, maybe this is a sad moment, of course. I have been officially married three times. And all my husbands had moms and dads. Now we are talking about mothers.

My first mother-in-law, Albina Isaakovna, a beautiful woman externally and internally, said at the wedding: “Now, Lena, you have become my daughter.” And she said this not for a red word, and it happened, although she had a real daughter and even a granddaughter. I loved my mother-in-law the same way I loved my husband, it is impossible not to love a woman with the same dark brown mischievous look from under fluffy curved eyelashes, like my beloved. I didn't call her mom just because I was afraid that my husband would call my mom mom. I couldn't let anyone do this! Albina Isaakovna always found a kind word for me, supported me in everything and, to be honest, gave me chic gifts. Once I decided to bake pies, started the dough (and at that time I was not a connoisseur of cooking, but was only the only daughter of my parents, naturally spoiled and not in the mood for creation, living on the principle of consumption). So, after getting rid of the dough, I hid it away so that I could throw it away later, deciding to buy ready-made pies in the pavilion. My mother-in-law saw my “creation”, without hysteria and sarcasm brought it to mind, called me, and together we baked wonderful pies. And at dinner in front of her father-in-law and son, she said that I was a good fellow and that she dreamed of such a wife for her son, passing off her pies as mine. When I asked her in private why she did it, she replied: “Well, you started making dough, so you wanted to bake pies, but desire is the basis of everything. You wanted to please my son and us all, I appreciate that.” She taught me a lot and is still a role model, all our relationships were permeated with her wisdom, endless warmth. And even when we broke up with my husband, I was sorry to part with his mother, I missed her. But I didn’t have to be bored for a long time, I got married again ...

To be honest, I expected a cold reception from the mother of my second spouse: a slender, fashionable city dweller, only 13 years older than me. Her only son, a designer, esthete and perfectionist, marries a fat, divorced woman older than him. If I were in HER place, I would, without hiding righteous anger, with aplomb and pathos, let this one down the stairs. But Valentina was not like that. She introduced herself simply: "Sasha's mother." And for a long time I did not know what to call her, but since the age difference between us was small, Valya began to call her. Later, at some family celebration, her friend made a remark to me, saying that friendship is friendship, and the mother-in-law should be called mother, or at least aunt. I began to call her Aunt Valya, although this fictitious nephew smacked a little of incest. Aunt Valya treated me with warmth and care, I answered her the same. She always felt some discomfort that our wedding was not as pompous and rich as my wedding with my first husband. And she decided that I would definitely have the most luxurious ring, she took me to the store to buy a ring with diamonds. We bought a ring and got home satisfied, met her classmate on the way, she introduced me: “This is my daughter-in-law.” To which she said: “How many brothers do you have?” She thought that her daughter-in-law was her brother's wife. After all, we looked like the same age. I was very despondent, I thought my mother-in-law would gloat, but she, on the contrary, told me: “Don’t be upset, she’s short-sighted, and I just gave birth early, and the brothers all marry only young ones.” She turned the conversation to how, at a very young age, she fell in love with her husband and gave birth to a son, talked about what a miracle it is to be a mother, how she looked at Sasha and could not imagine that she had once lived without him ... How pure and you need to be a bright person in order to steer this situation like that. I broke up with my husband, but we still communicate with his mother.

The mother of my third husband is a Muscovite, a refined intellectual, the main tenant of a three-room apartment on Sparrow Hills. Could she meet with open arms a twice-divorced provincial? As it turned out, she could! Having gone to the capital in search of happiness in the literary field, I suddenly considered that a Moscow residence permit was vital for me. My MCH promised to register me at home. But ZhU said that only parents, spouses and children are registered. Then he asked me to formalize the relationship. After registering the marriage, my new mother-in-law set the festive table and said: “Give me the documents, tomorrow I will issue a residence permit” ...

With all of the above, I wanted to show that the mother-in-law is someone's mother, and not just someone else's, but the mother of your loved one. Your spouse’s mother is a special person, I’ll say right away that they usually write that you need to treat her with maximum respect, keep your distance. I didn't have that position. If you really love your husband, a priori you cannot be annoyed by the woman, thanks to whom your loved one was born. It is impossible to keep a distance with her, it is better to build a relationship on trust and love. It is the mother-in-law who will tell you about what her son loves most, about his culinary and literary preferences, about what he was fond of as a child, how he met the pot and said his first words. If all this is interesting to you, the mother-in-law will understand that you are exactly the woman with whom her son is on the way.

I am a mother myself and once said to my seven-year-old son: “You have no idea, the greatest happiness is to be with you.” And she thought: “After all, this happiness must be earned!” And that's what almost every mother thinks. Put yourself in her place, and it will be easier for you to understand your mother-in-law.

Getting married means bringing a lot of new things into your life.

© vedmochka.com And far from the last place in this "parade of novelty" is occupied by relationships with new relatives. Well, if the newlyweds have the opportunity to live separately, but if not?

And if not, then you will have to go out to the common kitchen every day and somehow contact the parents of your loved one. How to call them: "mom" and "dad"? Or officially: by name and patronymic? With fathers-in-law, everything is easier: men in this situation show more understanding and generosity. But with the mother-in-law on this basis, the first grievances may arise. So what to do? Suddenly, for no reason at all, call a “mother” in general a stranger to you? And where is the guarantee that she wants it? What if she prefers to keep a reasonable distance and such treatment will also jar her? Stop at a cool "Marya Ivanovna" and relax? But will it not become an eternal thorn in the relationship? What to do?!

Put the problem on your husband's shoulders. And do it before the wedding. Ask him to turn to his mother with something like this: “Mom, Olya (that is, you) is worried, does not know how to call you: “mom” or something else. What do you think?". Such a statement of the question will flatter her vanity: the girl is worried, which means that this is important for her. The first undoubted "plus" in your piggy bank of virtues. The second nuance: the decision will have to be made by her - this is another nod towards her importance. This alignment will set the woman on a wave of generosity: it is quite possible that she will wave her hand and say: “Yes, how convenient it is for her!” In this case, you get the freedom of action approved by her, call her as your heart desires. Within reason, of course!