As sad as it may be, life consists of everyday life. And for most of us, these everyday lives are associated with stress and nervousness, which reduce the overall quality of life and lead to illness. Here are 12 tips on how to live a relaxed and enjoyable life.
Get up earlier
The simplest thing you can do to switch your life from stress mode to relaxation mode is to get up an hour or two earlier. During this time, you can manage to deal with various things, be it laundry, which has been waiting for its turn for a week, or watching a program you missed yesterday. More time in the morning means a less busy day.
Do the worst
In the morning, make a to-do list for the day. First of all, do the one you want to do least. Reply to the boring letter, finish it and submit the report - deal with it and cross it off the list with peace of mind.
Take a breath of air
In the middle of the day, try to go outside. This is especially important if you sit at a desk for 8 hours. Fresh air and bright light will invigorate and calm even the most tired.
Avoid junk food
Poor quality, heavy food requires too much energy for the body to cope with it. After such a meal, fatigue and drowsiness will certainly occur. It is your energy that goes into digesting food waste. Products healthy eating, on the contrary, they will provide energy and improve well-being.
Don't forget the 80/20 rule
Workflow studies have shown that just 20% of clients and responsibilities take up up to 80% of an employee's time. So firmly say no to anything that takes up your time and focus on completing your responsibilities and achieving your work goals.
Make Vitamin D
A lack of vitamin D leads to loss of energy and depressed mood. Get some sun whenever possible, even if it’s just sitting on a bench for five minutes.
Automate your invoices
Get into the habit of paying bills you receive promptly. The feeling of accumulated debts that must be dealt with sooner or later causes great stress.
Defuse social networks
Go through your social media feeds and unfollow people who evoke negative emotions with their posts. These could be fans of political squabbles, fans of hackneyed quotes placed on photos with mountains, anyone. Let only useful and pleasant things remain in your feed.
Listen to the right music
Radio talk shows, podcasts, and heavy rock music only add to the stress of everyday life. Instead, listen to relaxing music or classical music. Melodic works tune the brain to waves of calm and positivity.
Turn off notifications
If you're distracted by push notifications from every app on your phone, you'll have no time to work or relax. Check social networks and email when you have time and desire, and not when an intrusive signal orders you to do so.
Clean the drawer
It may take a long time, but check your inbox and unsubscribe from stores and organizations that clutter it with spam. A clean box means a clean mind, and a clean mind is stress-free.
Choose your clothes carefully
When purchasing new items, consider convenience first. Even an expensive and beautiful thing will only cause bad emotions when worn if it is uncomfortable. You shouldn’t sacrifice your own comfort for the sake of fashion or someone else’s opinion.
You are wearily wandering through a gloomy autumn park, scolding yourself for having structured the conversation with the customer incorrectly, not signing a contract and now you won’t see a bonus. At home, you will be faced with the problems of family members who always need something. The new neighbor turned out to be a very unpleasant and conflicted type, on top of everything - problems with health, weight, sleep, etc. You look enviously at the carefree laughing couple on the bench and do not understand how to enjoy life in your situation. Believe me, it's not that bad! And the fact that you are reading this material already indicates your readiness for change.
Optimism is a must!
The most important organ in a person is his brain. The ability to think and make a correct assessment of events allows people to radically change their lives. Believe me, in order to catch moments of happiness more often, you don’t need special conditions and a lot of money. A billionaire on a luxury yacht may feel less satisfied than a poor shoemaker who has just seen his newborn son. Happiness and satisfaction are momentary states, but these are the moments our lives consist of. Direct your thoughts along this path. Put the negative in a distant drawer. Remember Scarlett O'Hara's catchphrase: “I'll think about it tomorrow!”
Look at your situation and always say to yourself the word “but”: it’s a gloomy cold day, but the sweltering heat is over, you can dress warmly and take a walk, breathing fresh and moist air. Family problems? But you have a family and children, and someone dreams of this all their life. Didn't work out with the contract? This is a chance to think about new strategies and perspectives. Live and enjoy this particular day, this moment, this weather and yourself! Literally from tomorrow start living as if all your dreams have already begun to come true! You'll see what happens soon.
You are the one and only
And this is the true truth! A bunch of complexes and the belief in one’s own inadequacy are formed differently for everyone: some are inspired by their parents, some reach out to a respected friend and blame themselves for their failure, some feel like a gray mouse against the backdrop of a bright, beautiful friend. Why do you love me? If you ask yourself this question sincerely, think: who will appreciate you if you yourself do not know your strengths? How can you enjoy life without self-esteem? If a person has too developed self-criticism, self-flagellation and underestimation, it is difficult for him. There are no people in the world whom nature would not reward with something that would distinguish them from others. And don’t be afraid to sometimes reward yourself, your loved one, with an unplanned vacation or a delicious dessert. Every day, looking in the mirror, smile at yourself and say: “Life is great! And this day is for me!”
Tell me who is your friend
Sometimes a person’s surroundings hinder him from living happily now and here. This does not mean at all that you need to leave your family or stop helping your sick friend. The point is different: evaluate yours soberly. If you spend a lot of time in the company of whiners, in whom all conversations come down to criticism, gossip and cursing of an imperfect world, it is unlikely that your perception will be different. Take as an example a person who has everything going well, who is always cheerful and pleased with himself. Watch him, talk, find out his attitude to life, ask about his ability to overcome troubles. Moreover, the age of such a friend is completely unimportant - sometimes the measure of life’s values becomes an old man, wise with experience, and sometimes even a very young, life-loving person.
You should always try to communicate with people who are equal to you in terms of moral values, degree of education, and range of interests. Watch TV shows selectively, eliminate negativity completely. An entire industry makes money from this - and you have nothing to do with it.
It’s not customary for us to run to a personal psychologist for advice, like the Americans. Whether this is good or bad is a separate question, but the fact that you need to learn to feel comfortable in the world around you is a fact. Learn to be cheerful from people who call themselves happy.
Can money buy happiness?
How to enjoy life in poverty? Is happiness possible without money? Or is happiness not in money, but in its quantity? This question is discussed by everyone and everywhere. Everyone agrees: money is an opportunity to satisfy your needs. The difference is that everyone's needs are different. Some people want to be rich to ensure their importance and gain power; others want freedom of action and movement. Here lies the answer: money itself, in any form, does not mean anything; pleasure comes from what you spend it on.
Envy is the enemy of happiness
The ability to enjoy your life without comparing it with others and without envying anyone is not given to everyone. Envy kills friendship and love. This feeling destroys family ties and becomes the cause of enmity and crime. For oneself, envy is dissatisfaction and nerve diseases. You can completely get rid of this nasty feeling if you learn:
a) love yourself;
b) love people;
c) find a balance between your needs and capabilities.
There are people who don't like to show their failures. Behind each successful career, a happy family requires long and painstaking work, and sometimes great losses that no one would want to wish for themselves. Realize this and try to understand what qualities helped another achieve what you would like. Don't waste your energy on envy, tell yourself: "Just live and enjoy life." And remember: at this moment thousands of people dream of what you have! For example, at least the ability to see and read on the Internet.
of people?
This means accepting them as they are. The always dissatisfied and grumpy neighbor may have become like this from loneliness, or maybe her childhood did not work out. Not everyone in the world is kind and fluffy. The world is generally imperfect. Loving life and not trying to educate everyone in your own way does not mean pleasing everyone. Some individuals cannot be educated in adulthood, and neither your kindness nor pity will re-educate them. Build your existence in such a way that you cross paths with those you dislike as little as possible. Live healthy! Don't waste time arguing! The best way to win a conflict is to remove yourself from it.
Expectations and reality
Don’t expect too much from life, then there will be fewer disappointments, and each achievement will be more enjoyable. This does not mean that you don’t need to plan anything and set goals. Goals just need to be realistic. Psychologists advise using this tactic. First, learn to live in harmony with yourself now and identify one step in your development (career, relationships) that you can practically implement. After that, raise the bar higher and higher. Never stop there and praise yourself for every success.
Magic words of gratitude
Make it a rule to mentally and out loud thank the Universe for every day of your life, for everything that you have. There seems to be nothing to thank for? Not true! You have life, a roof over your head, water, food, sight. So every day, be grateful to God for this (the Universe, fate, in whom you believe). How it works? Our thought is material. That's for sure! Evil attracts evil, curses return like a boomerang, gratitude is perceived by the Universe and returns with an addition. Sincerely thank the people who helped you.
Do good
No matter how bad you feel this moment, always remember that there is someone who has it worse. Help someone else around you enjoy every day. You don't need to have a lot of money to do this, just desire is enough. Sometimes a person in trouble needs simple friendly assistance. Just don’t demand praise and brag about your good deeds on every occasion. Sincere goodness should be quiet, and your life, even without embellishment, will be filled with inner light and joy.
This hateful job
What does it mean to enjoy life? Enjoy every day you live! Wake up expecting something new and go to sleep satisfied with past events. And here’s the hitch: when a person is doing a job he hates, he doesn’t want to wake up in the morning, and restless thoughts keep him from sleeping at night. It is good for those who have the opportunity to earn money with pleasure. What if a well-paid position leads to frenzy and neurosis? There is always a way out.
1. Change your job, profession, leave your current position.
2. Analyze what is more important to you at the moment: a healthy nervous system or the income that gives you the opportunity to support your family? In that case, be grateful that you have such a job.
3. Try turning it into an income item. favorite hobby- this has worked for many people. There is income and everyday pleasure.
Be persistent
Very often, stereotypes imposed on us by family, society, and environment penetrate so deeply into our consciousness and take root there that we are afraid to be happy if this requires retreating from them. Which university to enter, with whom to start a family, how to communicate with friends, how to spend a day off - it’s up to you to decide. And if you like baking pies, then don’t try to convince yourself that you need a career as a doctor of some kind of science in order to continue family tradition. As a result, both you and those around you will be happy, because communicating with a person who knows how to enjoy life is a pleasure. Don't be afraid of drastic changes. If such a thought has matured, act.
In a healthy body healthy mind
Among the people who support healthy image life and a nutritious diet, there are very few gloomy pessimists. Sports, yoga, and dancing increase the level of satisfaction. In addition, group activities allow you to find friends among like-minded people. Spend more time in nature. Try to start by simply walking at least part of the way home from work, preferably through a square or park. A person always finds time for what he really wants. Sometimes you, your loved one, just need to be lifted and pushed into the light.
A person who has health problems cannot enjoy life. Constant dissatisfaction with one's place in society leads to problems with this important component. This is such a vicious circle. Only a personal desire to be healthy and happy can break it.
The same applies to the power system. No debilitating diet brought anyone joy. Constantly hungry eyes cannot look happy. Food brings joy when it is tasty, beautiful and healthy. Individual needs and a sense of proportion are important in everything.
Life is Beautiful! Love her, yourself and your loved ones! And be happy!
Every person wants to be happy. But at the same time, everyone has a completely different understanding of happiness, and many people cannot formulate at all what exactly this concept includes for them. Most of us live according to the “Groundhog Day” principle and do not consider it possible (and often necessary) to somehow change ourselves or the life around us. But if this situation does not suit you, you need to learn to enjoy the current moment in life. And doing this is not at all so easy. Let's clarify how to live while enjoying every day?
The ability to enjoy life is a rather rare quality, which, nevertheless, is necessary for each of us. If you know how to enjoy life every day, this can be excellent health insurance. After all, with such an attitude towards gray everyday life, various ailments will become attached to you much less often.
Evaluate your life in terms of your happiness. Think about it, there will be at least a third of the time (free from night rest) when you feel completely satisfied and happy. If not, then it’s time to change something in life.
Try to understand which moments in your everyday life give you pleasure. Also remember those things that made you happy before, and try to find at least a little time for them. At the same time, do not be afraid to somehow change the list of planned tasks, and do not be afraid of not being able to do something in time. After all, positive emotions will add both physical and moral strength to you.
If you feel chronically tired and dissatisfied with life, try to loosen your control over your daily routine. compulsory program. Bring at least a little spontaneity into your life, allow yourself to refuse to do some completely unpleasant things, and be sure to please yourself with little things.
Do not hurry! Life around you is full of small pleasures, you just need to learn to notice and collect them. Walk systematically - not on the way from one meeting to another, or from work to home, but aimlessly. Walking through a park or city streets will help you find a source of inspiration or focus on solving particularly pressing problems.
Learn to enjoy idleness. Such a pastime allows you to renew the energy spent during the working day, enjoy the world around you and even its bustle. To avoid feelings of discomfort when idle, use books (including electronic ones) or music.
Remember that the world will definitely not collapse if you allow yourself to put things off until tomorrow. Ordinary business issues can wait; you shouldn’t waste precious minutes of your night’s rest on them or deal with them instead of having a pleasant time in good company. After all, excellent sleep and quality rest are the key Have a good mood and high performance.
How to enjoy life every day?
Try to make changes to how your typical day goes. Add some positivity to it.
In the morning, getting out of bed, perform all your usual actions (washing, exercise, brushing your teeth, breakfast) with awareness of the benefits of such actions and with pleasure. Look at yourself in the mirror before you leave the house, smile at yourself and wish yourself a great day. Repeat this ritual for a month and you will get used to it.
Do something interesting on your way to work. Download audio lessons, audio books, or even just great music that you like to your mobile phone. During such activities, time is spent in traffic jams or public transport will fly by unnoticed and usefully, and the road will begin to bring pleasure.
In order to learn to enjoy your work, think about how it benefits you. Try to convey to yourself that even your small business is part of the Great and Especially Important. Think about it, perhaps you can learn something new in your profession, or, conversely, retrain for something more enjoyable. And don't be afraid of change!
Next, a typical day approaches lunch. Don’t even think about wasting time before or during it surfing the Internet and watching the news. Such activities will definitely not bring pleasure. It's better to go for a short walk, just walk around, look at the world around you and don't forget to have a healthy snack.
After a long and hard day at work, most people only dream about getting home and collapsing on the couch. But if you want to feel the pleasure of life, smile, meet with friends or with your loved one. Also excellent option For evening activities there will be reading, walking, hobbies. Force yourself to look away from the TV, computer and sofa. It won't be easy at first, but over time you'll enjoy active and varied evenings.
And don’t stay too long, remember that the key to a good mood, as we have already found out, is a good night’s rest.
How to change to enjoy ordinary life every day?
If you want to learn to enjoy life, don't try to change your everyday life at once. After all, all the habits that you have have been developing for many years, and changing them to others will not be easy. But do not give up on the ideas and changes that arise; gradually, step by step and day by day, you will be able to bring them to life.
Instructions
Few people know how to appreciate what they have. For some reason, it is generally accepted that only those who have reached the heights of success can be happy. If you don't have the latest iPhone or don't wear clothes famous brands, you are a loser and will never be able to enjoy life. But the whole secret is that all those who have huge fortunes depend on how much of their products the common man will buy. And for this, with the help of the media, they impose that you can only be happy if you have all these things. Therefore, you should not perceive that possessing material wealth can help you learn to enjoy life. It's not like that at all.
A person can only be happy when he is satisfied with his life. He rejoices in what he has, thanks for what he was able to acquire, and appreciates his friends and loved ones. In any situation, he is able to see positive aspects, but this does not mean at all that a happy person does not know how to react correctly to what is happening. Quite the opposite, when it hurts, he is unhappy, but when everything is good in his life, he does not grumble and does not think that only in the future he will be able to enjoy life, but notices the good things that exist today.
There is no need to expect others to become better, friendlier and kinder. Change yourself, and others will follow your example. in order to change the world, change your attitude towards him and yourself. Don’t rush to assess what is happening, get used to analyzing any situation from all sides. Then you will react completely differently, even to the most difficult problems in your life.
It is very easy to appreciate something when you are faced with misfortune. Start helping those in need, and you will immediately understand what you can thank life for. Health, peace of mind, kindness, care, great willpower, good manners, the ability to take responsibility, a loved one, good friends and work that allows for self-realization, having housing and a good income - all this is worthy of enjoying your own life.
Never refuse orphans, lonely pensioners, people with disabilities, children who are sick. Your help will be most welcome, by the way, in shelters for homeless animals, and by taking an unfortunate creature from the street who is innocent of anything, you will make this world a much better and kinder place. The love and devotion that it will give you cannot be compared with anything. Nobody can love you like that. Animals do not see your shortcomings, do not reproach or humiliate you, they believe in you and know that you are the kindest and best on earth. Therefore, all that remains is to live up to this belief in yourself.
Scientists have come to the unequivocal conclusion that a person is happier not when he earns more and more, but when he gives to others. Think about how you can help right now. This may be a good time to say “thank you” to your parents for what they did for you, help friends solve difficult problems, or make a small financial contribution to an orphanage and animal shelter in your city.
Start making your own long-forgotten dreams come true. Don't deny yourself to take a step forward and feel like a strong person, capable of achieving anything you want. Memories of desires that appeared in childhood or adolescence at the same time give the opportunity to once again feel the faith and hope that all the best lies ahead. Don't miss the opportunity to rejoice at what you have achieved over the past years.
Current page: 1 (book has 25 pages total) [available reading passage: 17 pages]
Alexander Kazakevich
Simple truths, or How to live for your pleasure
Everything that is in front of us and behind us is small compared to what is inside us.
Ralph Emerson, American philosopher
From the author
There are many wise books in the world in which smart people talk about how to become happy, successful and rich. They explain in detail, reasonedly and convincingly what and how to do to achieve what you want. And everything would be great if not for one minus. The problem is that these books, as they are called, do not work.
You can read a hundred or a thousand similar books and learn by heart all the laws of success and happiness, but knowing does not mean being able to. But being able to do it does not mean doing it. Because the most important thing cannot be taught. This can only be learned. Knowledge is not received - it is taken. And for a person to take them, he must be interested. It was not for nothing that they said in the old days: “A mediocre teacher tells, a good teacher explains, an excellent teacher shows, and a great teacher inspires.” You can say and explain anything, but if it doesn’t touch the heart, then everything loses its meaning.
Anatole France once said: “There is an artist sleeping in each of us, who wakes up from words spoken at the right time.” When I decided to write this book, I made a promise to myself: to write not just another success textbook, but a book that will inspire. “All genres are good, except boring.”
Therefore, let my book not prove, explain or recommend anything to anyone. Others have already done this before me. Let it awaken not thoughts, but feelings. My task is to awaken the reader’s interest, and my goal is to ignite, inspire and inspire his heart. After all, man, as La Fontaine noted, “is designed in such a way that when something lights up his soul, everything becomes possible.” Everything starts with a desire, and all our desires are born not in the head, but in the heart. Let the sleeping one wake up, the saddened one be comforted, the discouraged one perk up, and the timid and doubtful one be filled with enthusiasm and faith.
I tried to collect in this book only the most Interesting Facts, the most exciting stories, the most beautiful parables and the most inspiring aphorisms. And now, having written this book, I remember the words of the Indian philosopher Hazrat Inayat Khan: “Words that illuminate the soul are more valuable than precious stones.” This is true. And I want to believe, my dear reader, that this book will make your life at least a little brighter. This is why it was written.
Alexander KAZAKEVICH
What does a person need to be happy?
We all dream of something magic garden roses that are beyond the horizon, instead of enjoying the roses that bloom right outside our window.
Dale Carnegie, American writer
It’s impossible to say “stop” to happiness...
In the middle of the last century, Canadian scientist James Olds conducted an interesting experiment. Microscopic electrodes were implanted in laboratory rats in the area of the brain responsible for wakefulness. The scientist was trying to find out whether rats would avoid the place where they were exposed to the current. As expected, the experimental animals very quickly stopped wanting to go into the corner of the cage, where an unpleasant “surprise” awaited them every time. And for some reason only one rat stubbornly returned to this “cursed” place, receiving an electric shock again and again.
Perhaps James Olds first thought that there were masochists among rats. However, a subsequent autopsy of the brain of this animal showed that the electrode was implanted with some deviation and thus irritated another area - the so-called “pleasure center”. So, if you influence this area of the brain, you can make the rat do anything?
Further experience confirmed the scientist’s assumption. An electrode implanted in this part of the brain doomed the rat to a “pleasant” death. Having gained uncontrolled access to the current-carrying lever, the rat pressed it like crazy - up to 1,000 times per hour (almost every 3.5 seconds!), forgetting about food and sleep, not paying attention to either the cubs or sexual partners. After several days of continuous high, the rat died of exhaustion.
The question arises: is there such a “happiness button” in the human brain, by pressing which you can make any pessimist or unfortunate person a happy person? It turns out there is. It is located in the area of the corpus callosum, where the “bridge” lies between the two hemispheres. And with electrical stimulation of this area, a person experiences a feeling of unearthly bliss...
It would seem that finally there is a real opportunity to make all of humanity happy. But let's think: what if a person, like a rat, does not have the strength to stop in time and not drown in a continuous stream of pleasure?
In the course of studying the human “pleasure center”, new interesting data were obtained. It turned out, for example, that this part of the brain is filled with dopamine, a hormone that gives a person a feeling of euphoria and happiness. Along with other hormones responsible for mood (oxytocin, tyrosine, norepinephrine, melatonin and others), the amount of dopamine in the “pleasure center” determines how happy we feel. And if it is not enough, a person seeks to increase it by any means.
There are many ways. Power (career); glory; Love; erotica; sex; tasty food; someone's attention; recognition (approval) of our merits, talents or behavior; prayer; winning a game, competition or lottery; sport; creation; leisure or travel; favorite hobby; laughter; dancing; singing; money; property; alcohol; drugs; Skydiving; driving a car fast... In short, any thought, any event or behavior that causes a hormonal surge. And everyone chooses their own way of getting the portion of dopamine they are missing.
It turns out that a person doesn’t have to drill a hole in his skull and implant a chip in his brain to feel happy? Indeed, there are much safer and time-tested options for achieving happiness. However, how reliable are they?
Money is the sixteenth thing...
One of the most common myths is this: you need money to be happy. Or, as French millionaire Paul Getty once joked, “happiness is not in money, but in quantity.” It's actually not that simple.
Studies conducted in the West have shown that psychiatric hospitals Europe and America are filled mainly with wealthy people. Fashion, film and music stars do not get out of depression by regularly using strong antidepressants, alcohol or drugs. Businessmen who have amassed huge amounts of capital die prematurely from cancer and other diseases caused by excess stress and fear. (After all, business is a kind of war in which there is always a risk of losing not only money, but also other values: a good name, freedom and even life. It is no coincidence that in commercial circles suicide, as well as contract killing, are common occurrences.)
However, wealth not only drives people crazy, but also drives them into depression and pushes them to commit suicide. There are a great many examples of this. The famous writer Jack London tried his best to become rich. When his dream came true, he bitterly admitted that he was happy only when he lived in poverty.
The famous Kodak and Savva Morozov committed suicide. Oil magnate Rockefeller was dying in a terrible depression. Multimillionaire Howard Hughes, having gone crazy, lay naked in a closed room all day long, believing that clothes were “a nest of germ carriers.” All these tragedies cannot be overshadowed by personal planes, villas, or money.
A few years ago, the German Society for Rational Psychology conducted a survey of about 3,000 Germans under the age of 65 to find out what makes them happy. It turned out that the most important sources of happiness for them are: a loving, gentle partner; a happy family; healthy, happy children; success at work; completed work; health; favorite hobbies. Money took only 16th place on this list.
A larger study conducted by American scientists confirmed the results of German colleagues: wealth is not a fundamental condition for happiness. And even the answers of the 100 richest people in America practically coincided with the characteristics of the happiness of average Americans.
English psychologist Daniel Gilbert from Harvard University writes in his book Stumbling on Happiness: “Psychologists have been studying the relationship between well-being and happiness for decades. And they came to the conclusion that money can make people happier if we're talking about about the transition from extreme poverty to the middle class, but they do not have a tangible impact later.”
When asked why money does not bring happiness, Gilbert answers: the more opportunities a person has to choose (and money creates and multiplies these opportunities), the less happy he feels. This is why Goethe’s statement is true: “Order is more important than freedom.”
Freedom is responsibility, and the more freedom, the greater the burden of responsibility. And not everyone can shoulder such a heavy burden.
“Do you want to be happy for one day? Don't go to work"
So, if not money, then what brings happiness? Maybe we should chase not a long ruble, but something more important and meaningful? For example, for some beautiful dream or ideal? Alas, these “firebirds” are also unreliable creatures: you can spend your whole life, but still not achieve what you want. Or, conversely, to achieve, but not receive satisfaction from it.
One parable tells how a certain man decided to marry an ideal woman and, in order to find her, went to wander around the world. Forty years later he returned home - alone, without his wife. And someone asked him: “Well, have you met the perfect woman?” “Yes,” the man sighed, “I met her...” “So why did you return alone, and not with her?” - “Because she was looking for the ideal man...”
Maybe we should be simpler and use “improvised” means of happiness, those recommended by psychologists: communication with friends, children, nature and animals, singing, dancing, massage, sex, laughter, exercise, hobbies, travel... Probably this is very good means make our life, if not happy, then quite bearable. And there are much better sources of dopamine than its fleeting and extremely dangerous substitutes, such as tobacco, alcohol, drugs, medications, sensation seeking and other extreme sports...
However, there is no strength here either. No matter how much we communicate with friends, they will not always be with us. No matter how much you travel, you cannot escape from yourself (as the American philosopher Ralph Emerson correctly noted, “travel is a fool’s paradise”). No matter how much you eat the most delicious dishes, no matter how much you laugh, or have sex - all these are temporary and equally unreliable moments of joy. After all, you can’t just do this all day and all your life.
And these sources are not inside us, but outside, which means that our happiness will always depend on external circumstances. “He is unhappy,” said Schopenhauer, “who seeks adventure, but does not see happiness at home, whose center of gravity lies in others, and not in himself.”
A Georgian proverb teaches: “Do you want to be happy for one day? Don't go to work. Do you want to be happy for three days? Take a mistress. Do you want to be happy for ten years? Get married. Do you want to be happy all your life? Be healthy!" Maybe happiness brings health? Health, of course, is important. But just as you won’t be satisfied with water alone, you won’t be happy with health alone. Health is like air: when it is there, you don’t notice it and therefore don’t appreciate it.
So what is happiness?
“You need a big heart and you don’t need a big room.”
If you dig deep into the literature on happiness, you will find three really strong conditions for happiness. The first of them is work, purposeful, creative or simply favorite work.
“When I rest, I grow dumb,” said Benjamin Franklin. “The secret of our misfortunes,” wrote Bernard Shaw, “is that we have too much leisure to think about whether we are happy or not.” “Find something you like,” advised Maxim Gorky, “and there will be one less unfortunate person on earth.” When Winston Churchill, who worked 18-hour days at the height of the war, was asked if he was worried about the enormous responsibility entrusted to him, he replied: “I was too busy to have time to worry.”
Academician of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences Boris Petrovsky in one of his interviews spoke about meeting with an unusual person: “Once I was in Baku, and Professor Akhundov invited me to visit. Besides me, a 140-year-old man was invited. We sat, had a snack, and drank a little. And the owner asks the old man: “Tell me, dear, why do you live so long?” And the mountaineer said: “I sleep very well. Under the sky. There is no boss over me. I myself am the boss of my flock of sheep. There is always a woman with me. I have never been jealous of anyone. And in general I am a happy person..."
As you can see, happiness is not at all demanding. You can work all your life as a simple shepherd and at the same time be a great sage who is always happy. Happy because every day he is busy doing what he loves.
What you love ceases to be work and becomes creativity and even the meaning of life. During World War II, Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl was sent to a concentration camp (Auschwitz). At this point, his manuscript, dedicated to the search for the meaning of life, was not yet completed. Only a passionate desire to complete the book gave him the strength to withstand the horrors of camp life. Even when he fell ill with typhus, only the need to constantly write down his notes on pieces of paper helped him overcome this disease. He would later say about this time: “I saw the meaning of my life in helping others see the meaning in their lives.”
Modern psychologists have come to the conclusion that we are happiest when we strive for a goal. It is precisely the state of aspiration, or, more simply, everyday work that brings us closer to the intended goal - and not at all the successful completion of the work begun! – give us the greatest joy of psychological reward. Well, scientists call idleness the main factor preventing happiness. At the same time, as it turned out, it does not matter at all what it is caused by - laziness, illness, poverty or, on the contrary, financial well-being.
English professor Mansel Aylward believes that “depression of lack of work” is much more dangerous than possible fatigue from overwork. According to statistics, young unemployed men are 40 times more likely to commit suicide than their employed peers. Some experts compare the harm from not working for six months with the harm that smoking 400 cigarettes daily would cause to a person. “In addition,” adds Aylward, “the risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes and cancer increases many times over for those who are unemployed.”
So, the first step to happiness is a job you love that has a meaningful purpose. Or, to put it another way, a meaningful goal that gives meaning to life and is achieved through a job you love. Well, what is the second condition for happiness?
There is a Chinese expression: “You need a big heart, but you don’t need a big room.” It is not the environment, not the things and not the people around us that make us happy, but our attitude towards them. Dale Carnegie said it this way: “We are not happy or unhappy because of what we have, or because of who we are, where we are, or what we do. Our condition is determined by what we think about all this.” Almost all the philosophers in the world repeat this: “Our life is as our thoughts are”!
Maxwell Moltz in his book “I Am Me, or How to Be Happy” talks about Dr. John Schindler, who became famous thanks to his unusual method of treating people suffering from neuroses. The essence of this method is conscious control of thinking. “The underlying emotional problems of each patient have the same common denominator,” writes Schindler. “The problem is that the patient has forgotten how, and most likely never knew how, to control his current thinking in such a way that it brings him joy.” And here is Schindler’s formulation of happiness: “Happiness is a mood in which we are dominated by pleasant thoughts most of the time.”
One of the most respected psychologists in America, William James, gives everyone who considers themselves unhappy this advice: “Much of what we call unhappiness is only a reflection of a person’s subjective perception. How often can misfortune be turned into an invigorating, tonic blessing by changing only a person’s internal attitude, displacing fear and directing it towards struggle. How often does pain subside and be replaced by joy when, after fruitless attempts to escape from suffering, we finally decide to radically change our position and endure this pain with cheerfulness and optimism! And then these phenomena and events, physically continuing to exist, already lose their fatal character for us. Since it is in your own thoughts that you make them good or bad, your main concern should be the direction of your thinking.”
Conclusion: our happiness depends on our thoughts. And the more often we force ourselves to concentrate on the positive and positive things that are in our life, the happier it is.
What are they talking about “at five minutes to the dead”?
And finally, the most important and most lasting secret of happiness. It can be formulated in different words, but personally, I like two of them all: love and gratitude. Love is the art of observing the sedate and powerful flow of life with constant interest and surprise; it is the gift or ability to notice every beautiful drop, every bright ray in this endless stream and rejoice in it. This is probably incredibly difficult. But at the same time it is extremely important.
Mikhail Prishvin has a short sketch called “Joy”. It seems to me that it is not so much about joy as it is about love, which fills our soul with happiness and joy.
“This morning is sunny and dewy, like undiscovered land, like an unknown layer of heaven, this is the only morning, no one has ever gotten up, no one has seen anything, and you yourself see for the first time.
Nightingales are finishing their spring songs, dandelions are still preserved in quiet places, and perhaps somewhere in the damp black shadow a lily of the valley is whitening. The lively summer wren birds began to help the nightingales, and the oriole's flute was especially good. The restless chatter of blackbirds is everywhere, and the woodpecker is very tired of looking for live food for his little ones, so he sat down on a branch far from them just to rest.
Get up, my friend! Gather the rays of your happiness into a bundle, be brave, start the fight, help the sun! Listen, and the cuckoo has begun to help you. Look, a harrier is swimming above the water: this is not an ordinary harrier, this morning he is the first and only one, and now the magpies, sparkling with dew, came out onto the path - tomorrow they will definitely not sparkle so much, and the day will not be the same, and these magpies will come out somewhere else. This is the only morning, not a single person has ever seen it on the entire globe: only you and your unknown friend see it. And for tens of thousands of years people lived on earth, accumulating joy, passing it on to each other, so that you would come, pick it up, gather its arrows into bundles and rejoice. Be brave, be brave!
My enemy! You don’t know at all, and if you find out, you will never understand from what I weaved joy to people. But if you do not understand my best, then why do you boast about my mistakes and on the basis of what petty trifles do you raise your accusation against me? Pass by and don't stop us from rejoicing.
And again the soul will expand: fir trees, birch trees - I can’t take my eyes off the green candles on the pine trees and the young red cones on the fir trees. Fir trees, birch trees, how good it is!”
To be grateful means to allow the love that fills our hearts to flow freely and widely. And if not for the whole world and all of humanity, then, to begin with, at least for those whom we really love and whom we value.
This amazing fact was discovered and published by an American journalist who had been studying the life of American prisons for a long time. It turns out that very often criminals sentenced to capital punishment behave in a rather strange way in the last few hours (or days) before execution. As if having experienced an epiphany, “five minutes to the dead” suddenly begin to talk... about love. With tears of tenderness (not fear!) in their eyes, they confess their love for everything and everyone. And to those who became their victims, and to those who sentenced them to death. And even to those who stick a syringe with poison into their veins or pass a fatal electric shock through their body. And in the last seconds of their lives, they try to say “thank you” to everyone who, due to duty, was forced to become their executioner or witness their execution.
Imagine for a moment that in a year, or a month, or a few days you will be gone (for example, doctors will give you a fatal diagnosis). Will you continue to live the way you are living now? Will your values, your attitude towards loved ones, friends, enemies and the world in general change? Fortunately, most of us do not know the date of our departure; everyone expects that “of course, it will happen someday, but not tomorrow!” What if tomorrow? And if you know this for sure, you are unlikely to waste the remaining time on chatter and empty entertainment, on discord and criticism.
Alexander Solzhenitsyn in one of his interviews said what, in his opinion, gives meaning to life and makes it happy. “The most important thing in life, all its mysteries - do you want me to tell you now? Don’t chase after the illusory – property, titles: it takes decades of nerves, but is confiscated overnight. Live with an even superiority over life - do not be afraid of troubles and do not yearn for happiness. All the same, after all, the bitter is not enough and the sweet is not complete. It’s enough for you if you don’t freeze and if thirst and hunger don’t tear your insides with their claws. If your backbone is not broken, both legs walk, both arms bend, both eyes see and both ears hear – who else should you envy? For what? Envy of others eats us up most of all. Rub your eyes, wash your heart, and value above all those who love you and who are kind to you. Don't offend them, don't scold them. Do not part with any of them in a quarrel. After all, you don’t know, maybe this is your last act, and this is how you will remain in their memory.”
An American proverb says: “In a year, no one will remember what jeans you wore, but everyone will remember what kind of person you were.” “Memento mori” – “Remember death!” - the ancient sages call on us. Looking at us from top to bottom with the blackened eye sockets of marble sculptures, they seem to whisper to us: “Sagre diem!.. Carpe diem!.. Carpe diem!..” - “Tear off the day!” That is, seize the moment, hurry to live, and not to exist: dare, create, love, laugh and cry, lose and win! And not tomorrow, but today! Now! This minute!
In the book “The Universal Laws of Life” by the American philosopher and preacher John Templeton, you can find such a story. “One rainy afternoon, a kind old gentleman noticed a boy, a newspaper seller, cowering in the doorway, trying to protect his goods from the damp. While buying a newspaper from the boy, the gentleman said: “My boy, it looks like it’s very cold for you to stand here.” The boy raised his head and answered with a smile: “It was cold, sir, until you came up” ... "
“By sharing ourselves, our time and energy,” Templeton notes, “we very often give others the most important and beautiful thing we have. Every time you are given the opportunity to give something to others, accept the opportunity with open arms! Perhaps it is heaven calling you to fulfill your highest destiny. And the attitude of the one who gives may be more important than the gift itself. No wonder they say: “Your gift is not dear to me, your love is dear.”
Someday you will leave your loved ones and everything you love - work and home, children and grandchildren, wife or husband, friends and faithful dog, a grumpy boss and a kind old neighbor who lives opposite... All of them are part of our life. And if we thank God for our life, then it means we should be grateful for everything that he sends us: pain, joy, success, and defeat. This is what real life consists of. As Ivo Andrić said, “what doesn’t hurt is not life, what doesn’t go away is not happiness.”
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