Office Worker Secrets

1. Never leave the office without papers in your hands. People carrying papers give the impression of hardworking workers on their way to an important meeting. People with empty hands look like they are going to the canteen or have a smoke. The person holding the newspaper is most likely heading to the bathroom. Also, try to take as many papers home as possible to give the impression that you work there too.
2. Computers provide the impression of being busy. If you use a computer, it looks like work to an outside observer. You can read personal mail, chat or play solitaire. If your boss catches you doing this, explain that you are learning new programs and saving the company the cost of training.
3. Blockage on the table. Only top management can have a clean desk. For everyone else, it's a sign that they're not doing anything. Spread stacks of documents thicker across the table. From the side, last year's documents look the same as the current ones - it is the volume that matters. Arrange more documents in different piles. If you're waiting for someone, put the document that person needs in the middle of the pile, and look for it there when that person shows up.
4. Answering machine. Never pick up the phone if you have an answering machine. People don't call to ask about your health - they call to get you to DO something. This will not work. Listen to messages on the answering machine from time to time, and if someone left you a message with a potential addition of work - call him back during a break when he is definitely not there and leave a message on the answering machine.
5. Look annoyed. Always try to look annoyed - this gives the boss the impression that you have a parka.
6. Leave work late. Always try to leave work late, especially when the boss hasn't left yet. At this time, you can do crossword puzzles or read magazines for which you do not have time. When heading home, be sure to pass by the boss's office. Send important e-mails to him work time(22:10, 7:05) as well as weekends and holidays.
7. Expand your vocabulary. Read new computer magazines and choose unknown words. Use them freely in speech when talking with superiors. Remember: He doesn't have to understand you, but it will sound impressive.
8. Have 2 jackets. If you work in a large office, always leave a spare jacket on the back of your chair. It gives the impression that you are here somewhere and step back for a minute. Wear a second jacket when you walk or solve personal problems during work hours.

The Knowledge Hypermarket has the following structure:

Lessons in personal growth>>Lessons in charisma and lifestyle

How to become a real office worker?

The purpose of the lesson: find out what is the life style of a real office worker.

Keywords Keywords: office worker, employment, work, bosses.

What is the problem?
Somebody think that office workers do not have their own lifestyle. And others are trying highlight the special traits of office plankton and describe how these traits affect promotion.

Which position do you prefer? First or second?
What about your parents? First or second?
What about your friends? First or second?
What about strangers? First or second?

Rules of an office worker. For reflection:

Grigory Oster, creating " Bad advice"for the little ones and did not suspect that they would begin to lure his chip, prescribing" rules "for everyone and everything. For example, office workers. Attention - careful observance is fraught with dismissal. Or a promotion. Depends on what your boss is.

Never leave the office without papers in hand. People carrying papers give the impression of hardworking workers on their way to an important meeting. Empty-handed people look like they are going to a canteen or shop. The person holding the newspaper is most likely heading to the bathroom. Also, try to take as many papers home as possible to give the impression that you work there too.

Computers provide the impression of being busy. If you use a computer, it looks like work to an outside observer. You can read personal mail, chat or play solitaire. If your boss catches you doing this, explain that you are learning new programs and saving the company the cost of training.

Crash on the table. Only top management can have a clean desk. For everyone else, it's a sign that they're not doing anything. Spread stacks of documents thicker across the table. From the side, last year's documents look the same as the current ones - it is the volume that matters. Arrange more documents in different piles. If you're waiting for someone, put the document that person needs in the middle of the pile, and look for it there when that person shows up.

Answering machine. Never pick up the phone if you have an answering machine. People don't call to ask about your health - they call to get you to DO something. This will not work. Listen to messages on the answering machine from time to time, and if someone left you a message with a potential addition of work - call him back during a break when he is definitely not there and leave a message on the answering machine.

Look annoyed. Always try to look annoyed - this gives the boss the impression that you have a parka.

Leave work late. Always try to leave work late, especially when the boss hasn't left yet. At this time, you can do crossword puzzles or read magazines for which you do not have time. When heading home, be sure to pass by the boss's office. Send him important e-mails after business hours (22:10, 7:05) as well as on weekends and holidays.

Enrich your vocabulary. Read new computer magazines and choose unknown words. Use them freely in speech when talking with superiors. Remember: He doesn't have to understand you, but it will sound impressive.

Bring 2 jackets with you. If you work in a large office, always leave a spare jacket on the back of your chair. It gives the impression that you are here somewhere and step back for a minute. Wear a second jacket when walking or solving personal problems during work hours.

Questions	Possible answers
Question 1: Do you think following such rules can lead to dismissal or promotion?	Possible answer 1: Upgrade only! These rules are a real storehouse of knowledge for those who are thirsty for promotion.
	Possible answer 2: To be honest, this joke rules. In real life, no one will stick to them.
Question 2: Would you follow one or more of these rules in the future?	Possible answer 1: Never! I do not plan to become an office worker.
	Possible answer 2: Good advice. They are funny, but in every joke there is only a fraction of a joke. I would think.
	Possible answer 3: The office is different for the office, so life will show.
Question 3: Why do you think office workers are often called "office plankton"?

Exercise:
Come up with 2-3 similar rules for office workers. Give them a little explanation.

Rate yourself for the lesson learned: 1 2 3 4 5

They work next to you, spend most of their time, and maybe one of them is you. We've got a small group of office workers here. 8 types of different and must-have characters!

1. Talkative

This person, when you ask him the question "how are you?" answers using 5 sentences. FIVE, Carl! He thinks that it is necessary to talk about what happened last night, what a strange woman he saw on the subway, what wonderful weather and how tired he was. Why, he just wants to chat more, and postpone work until later! But this is not for career front fighters.

If Talkative has stuck to you, then rather ask a colleague by SMS to call you. Make it look like it's very important. You immediately cease to be interesting.

2. Hyperactive /office vampire/

More often than not, he is "superpositive". He always wants something from you, comes up with ridiculous initiatives, although all this is an appearance by and large. He tries to involve all his colleagues, organize a trip to the theater / to the skating rink / to the cinema, when everyone is barely alive until Friday and lying face down from fatigue.

Carefully! It feeds on your energy!

What to do. This is where the "look, bear" tactic comes into play. Pretend that you are dead and he will stop pestering you.

3. Furniture man

There is also such a type of colleagues. This is the same guy who never talks to anyone and ignores everyone. He answers all calls and is responsible for his work, but the rest of the time he sits and stares at the screen. No one ever knows what he actually does there, but he looks aging.

The only way to build a relationship is to throw a cat at him.

4. Gossip girls

In general, there is a special type of colleagues. Yes, you know what we're talking about. These are the same girls who talk all the time and do almost nothing (although somehow they manage to do something). I remember an anecdote about two prisoners who spent 10 years in prison together. And now they are released, they say, they say, come out. And they "well, another five minutes, we did not finish." Here, too, even a working day is not enough.

What to do with them? To tell something such that for a while they will fall silent and disperse in the corners. Or shout "SALE!"

5. Upstart

This person is unlikely to read this article at all. He is already climbing the corporate ladder with his tross and will soon be the boss. He is boring, pedantic, a perfectionist, not particularly friendly with anyone and always on horseback.

You can hardly stop him - you need to be friends with him and you can learn a lot!

6. Vile type

It could be your boss. In general, the only thing he does is he does nothing. And then, if you screwed up somewhere, he will remember it for a long time and tell you what to do and how. He seems to be in control and corrects all the time. A rare bore.

How to be saved? No way. Shake your head.

7. Hard worker

He just really wants to achieve something. It’s not as easy for him as Upstart, but he tries. He takes on more than he can carry. He sits at the workplace until night, he tries to do everything right, he doesn’t really like to be creative, but he is hardworking. He has no life at all outside of work.

Bring the man coffee, he has no time!

8. Mixed type

A little Gossip Girl, a little Chatty, it all comes together. This is a fairly typical office employee who balances this office mess and creates a normal atmosphere. He is the tranquility of the company.

The phrase "office plankton" has firmly entered the lexicon of the Internet community and even left it, moving beyond the boundaries of the digital space. But what is this notorious plankton? Is there a new microscopic life in the offices? No, it’s just that some office workers are called this phrase, but it happens that everyone who works in offices is called office plankton.

Office work

To understand how office plankton appeared, you need to take a closer look at its habitat. The office is the place where the most important affairs of the present are decided. It is in its shiny bowels that multimillion-dollar transactions take place and agreements are concluded that bring changes to all of humanity. But what is it like to be one of the bolts in this tough money-making machine? The very existence of office plankton is a perfect answer to this question.

Countless monotonous cells for employees, excluding the opportunity to be alone with themselves, a strict work schedule that prescribes to be at the workplace from morning to evening and nothing else. Add to this the same type of paper work, the expediency of which is often incomprehensible even to the highest ranks. It turns out that the office is not such a great place as those who cross its threshold for the first time dream.

office worker

Who is this mysterious employee of the faceless bureaucratic machine? Usually this is a person of average income, having higher education, at first full of ambitions and fantasies about a brighter future. Some employees find it difficult to even explain their occupation, they just “work in the office”. The main thing that adherents of office work need is stability. It is she who turns ardent young enthusiasts into office plankton.

These people need stability for a reason, because they usually have a lot of loans, perhaps even a mortgage or children. Therefore, the reduction for these ardent supporters of the stability of death is like. After all, you have to look for yourself new office, get acquainted with the new team, get used to new responsibilities.

Schedule

In addition to boring and monotonous work, the office is ready to provide its unhurried residents with a tough, monotonous schedule. Eight hours a day, five days a week, have to be spent in the office by unfortunate clerks. It is not surprising that over time, a person begins to while away the working day, doing all sorts of nonsense.

Of course, not only the schedule is to blame for this state of affairs. A lazy office worker is not an angel either, but a tough, not always logical schedule is the first thing that undermines the morale of a newly arrived clerk. After all, day after day, year after year, he will have to sit most of his day in a dull office cell.

Office work

In addition to a tedious schedule, there are many other factors that contribute to the degradation of a person, the complete loss of initiative and desire to work. The modern bureaucratic machine has grown to such an extent that an inadequately large number of people and efforts are needed to maintain it. Billions of unnecessary pieces of paper, huge costs of electricity and other resources.

All this is spent on maintaining a cumbersome system, the expediency of which is often incomprehensible to the people involved in it.

And if a person does not see the practical benefits of his work or even has no idea why he performs certain actions, then what kind of initiative can we talk about? The unfortunate victim of a bloated bureaucratic system begins to lose its old goals and aspirations, becoming a robot, mechanically doing its job, waiting for lunch or the end of the working day.

Office plankton - ballast for employers

It would be foolish to assume that only representatives of office plankton suffer from the illogicality and rigidity of the system. The employer is also not delighted with the presence of useless elements in his company. After all, they all need to give wages to provide a social package. Practice shows that even severe reductions in offices do not lead to loss of productivity. Moreover, this practice is necessary for many enterprises with unnecessarily bloated staff.

Of course, if you ask the office plankton, he will describe his work as extremely important and necessary, like any other bureaucrat. The main thing is to look smart and give as much importance to your figure as possible. But over time, more and more competent managers appear who easily identify and remove unnecessary people from their company.

Are there non-plankton workers in the offices?

After reading everything written above, one can come to the conclusion that only office plankton lives in offices. This is absolutely not the case, because in this case, the enterprises would have stopped long ago, but since they are still working, it means that there are still people who strive to do their job well. What is their secret? Why do some break under the weight of a monotonous routine, while others develop, turning into extra-class specialists? There is no single answer to this question, but much in this matter depends on the position held by the person.

Some types of office activities are absolutely not conducive to any kind of development. No matter how fresh and ardent a person is, such a position will “devour” all his strength, turning him into a lifeless apparatus for performing the same type of manipulation. Now, if a person came to work in a field that interests him, having the education and skills necessary to work in it, then the result will be completely different. Such an office worker will constantly grow and progress, gain experience and hone his skills.

Are unscrupulous employees harmful to society?

The one who suffers the most from the existence of office plankton is the plankton itself. Constant overwork and exhaustion of the nervous system, health problems caused by a sedentary lifestyle, broken dreams of a brilliant career - these are just some of the problems that office workers pay for idleness.

What to do in order not to become an office plankton?

Unfortunately, a very impressive part of the population of our country is busy with office work in our time. Many professions, one way or another, bring their naive adherents to the office. What to do? Is the gray life of office plankton waiting for most of us? Of course not! The main problem of inactive office workers is the fear of change. It is the desire for stability and prosperity that destroys the joy of life given to everyone from birth.

Do not shake over your workplace, be afraid to change something in your life. After all, in this way, some are engaged in an unloved business for decades, gradually losing their human appearance, becoming a faceless cog in the system. Follow your heart, do what you love - and the fate of office plankton will never befall you!

“The more papers, folders and notes on the table, the more efficient the employee works” - this statement is not entirely true. After all, most office workers know how easy it is to get lost in piles of papers spread out on the table. required documents, phones, diaries, pens and notes.

The Japanese have succeeded in improving the efficiency of office workers and middle managers. It turns out that apart from high technology, the Japanese are first-class specialists in terms of optimizing production in any business area. They use every opportunity to increase profits while reducing financial, time and labor costs. In particular, the ordering system - "5S" is especially popular, as in Japan, America and many European countries. According to this system, to improve the efficiency of daily, routine office work, the following recommendations should be followed:

• Divide all items of the working environment (folders, forms, magazines, stationery) into three categories: needed, not needed and not urgently needed. Those not needed are removed to the far box. The necessary ones are saved at the workplace. Those not needed urgently are located at a certain distance from the workplace or are stored centrally.
• Distribute and fix the areas of responsibility of each employee. It is best to define in writing which employee is responsible for what and what work he performs. It is even better if the staging and essence of the work is described in detail and step by step. In this case, it will be enough for a new employee to read the instructions and follow the specified rules, and not waste the time of other employees on training a new one.
• Maximum visualization (instead of text, where possible, use pictures, diagrams, pictograms, pointers, color coding). Moreover, these designations should be the same for all employees of the office or at least the department.
• Sign or designate the places where documents are stored (for example, “Documents in progress”, “Drafts”, “Blank forms”, “Documents for signature”, “Documents for archiving”, etc.).
• Follow the rule - the document that arrived first is processed first.
• Provide freedom of movement around the room. Down with the pile of boxes and folders. They can be removed on the mezzanine of cabinets or placed on wall racks.
• Enter the rule - at hand only those papers that you deal with in this moment. The table must be clean.

These not tricky rules can be supplemented by yours. own ideas, but one way or another, they form the basis of the world-famous and widely used system for optimizing the activities of any office all over the world.

Based on materials