Frank and atypical interview with Shakhtar coach Dmytro Povoroznyuk and Serhiy Bolotnikov.
Who would you invite for coffee if you could choose?
– Difficult question… If a football person, then most likely Guardiola.
- Have you ever spoken to him?
- No. I really like his game - I'm sure we would talk about a lot.
– Guardiola is considered a revolutionary in football. Do you have such a desire to bring something new to the game, your own?
“I just want to do what I believe in. And I want people to believe in my ideas. I love the game very much. But I don't want to make a revolution. I just want to be myself.
- Have you read Guardiola's book "My Way"?
I have already read several of his books, but not the last one yet.
– Are such books useful for coaches?
- Certainly. I try to buy books about the game to keep up with football, to try to understand the ideas of other coaches.
Do you have time for books?
Yes, I read a lot. I love investigations, even romantic stories. In terms of the last ten books I've read, one of my favorite writers is Ken Follett
– How many hours a day do you work?
- Consider - training in the morning, then a meeting of the coaching staff maybe. If he is not there, I go home - there I try to watch our training sessions, the opponent's matches.
Every coach is at least thinking about football 24 hours a day. It is impossible to disconnect from this. Although, of course, there are times when you need to do this. If you get too hung up, your head can explode.
- And how do you disconnect?
- I'm going to the gym. I have lunch with my friends. Watching movies. I read again. I have simple methods.
– When do you go to bed and wake up?
- I go to bed very late - not until half past one at night. And I wake up early - around 7 am. I always want to be the first to arrive at training. I have to fight sleep.
“For me, having even one player like Ronaldo in the team is a problem”
– In training, you are always with a laptop, you use a lot of other equipment, you have a serious analytical department. Don't you think that all this work with numbers is a bit overrated?
“I have a fantastic coaching staff that makes my job easier. We film and sometimes analyze our workouts. This helps to build a training week, properly prepare for matches, assess what exactly needs to be improved. In studying an opponent, analytics is insanely important - how, without changing your style of play, to understand what to do against this opponent.
- Ferguson and van Gaal wrote in their books that the computerization of football does not have such prospects as everyone says about it. Because the technique will never show the mood of the player and the speed of decision making. According to them, the more coaches delve into the numbers, the more they lose in the ability to feel the player.
– I agree in many respects. Football is, of course, emotions, not numbers. A coach should have data, but I'm not the kind of person who pays too much attention to it. Football is never the same. Indicators can change drastically from one game to another. Relations with the players are more important for me than tactical, technical and physical data.
- Don't you think that football has become too mechanical, robotic? Lots of tactics, discipline, no playmaker, less and less improvisation.
- This topic is now often discussed by coaches. And in general, many are wondering why the players do not do what Maradona did, why no one tricks, as before. But because the defenders have become much better. Football has evolved, the organization of collective action has come to the fore.
- 11 Cristiano Ronaldo in the team - is it a disaster or a gift for you?
- I think it's impossible. Even more than one is impossible. There should be 10 players, each of whom performs his task and works for the team.
Cree is the pride of our country, he is simply fantastic, he knows how to decide the outcome of the match alone. But for me, as a coach, having even one such player is a problem.
– Another example is Krivtsov. He gives the impression of a very erudite person. But it always seemed to me that, as a player, he does not pull the level of Shakhtar. How important is player intelligence to you? Do these players get any advantage?
We need smart players. Now the intelligence of football players is much higher than before, when I played. Because football has become so complex, tactical, it's a matter of small details - if a player doesn't understand all this complex mechanism, it will be very difficult for him.
At least to play in my teams, the players must be erudite. We even try to develop the players, make them think more so that they predict what will happen on the field.
- Recently, two mathematicians determined that football coaching is the most difficult profession in the world. According to their statistics, in the top championships, coaches are fired after an average of 1 year and 2 months. 15 coaches are constantly working in top clubs - they just change places. And 90% realize their chance only in 1-2 clubs. In your opinion, is it really the most difficult profession?
For me football is love. I can't imagine myself outside of it and wouldn't trade my profession for any other.
Of course, it's not easy. You have to be a leader for 25 young guys, you have to keep your identity, but at the same time manage them - make sure that they act as one team and think in its interests. But I have a privilege - any person who does what he loves is privileged.
What about constant stress?
- It's because of the demands on himself. Even when I win, I am not always satisfied. But it's important to find a balance. Many coaches are great professionals, but they fail to be emotionally stable. This is very important for success. I have to constantly think about what kind of relationship I have with the players, how they feel in the team.
I never lie to those I work with. Never. And the players know it. Sometimes it is very difficult, but I agree that the bitter truth is better than the sweet lie.
- Have you often been deceived?
- When I was a player, I was often lied to. Therefore, when I became a coach, I promised myself that I would never do this.
- Then let's be honest - after the defeat from Young Boys, could you leave the team?
“I can leave at any moment. There is a proverb in Portugal - the coach should always have his bags packed. If the club is not satisfied with my work, I will be the first to say: "Okay, bye." But at Shakhtar I never felt that.
Of course, at the time I wasn't sure of anything. I came to a new club, there were big changes in my life. There were doubts. But I will never doubt my ideas.
- And what about 4-4-2 at the beginning of your career at Shakhtar, which you then abandoned? Was it a mistake?
- Don't think. I just felt that the team is used to playing 4-2-3-1, it's more comfortable for them. I had no problem admitting this and going back to the old pattern.
It is easy to say that the problem is in the scheme when the ball does not fly into the goal. But in the match against Young Boys or in the Super Bowl a year ago, when we played 4-4-2 and lost, everyone said that Shakhtar were better and deserved to win. We could go to Switzerland with a 6-0 victory in the first match. And there – on the road, on synthetics, following the same scheme with two forwards – we had 8 clear scoring chances.
- Explain in more detail what is the difference between 4-4-2 and the current scheme.
- The conditions in which Shakhtar play in the Ukrainian league are the most difficult for any coach. 80% of the game takes place in the last 30-40 meters from the opponent's goal. 11 players are closed in defense, they put the bus. And now you need to open areas where they are not in principle.
The tactical scheme is not the most important thing at all. But acting on 4-4-2, we had more opportunities to go deeper into the opponent's penalty area. Now there is no such possibility, but we act more compactly in the center of the field. In general, the 4-4-2 is very similar to the pattern we use now. We also reach the opponent's goal, as then. The location of the wingers in both schemes is the same. Full-backs act the same way. Defender too. The only change is the completion area. That is, the difference is in one player.
– But would you like to return to 4-4-2 in the future?
- Yes, most likely I will return - I don't know, at Shakhtar or another club. I like her more. If you work it out well, it is very difficult to play against such a team.
- What else makes your team different from Lucescu's Shakhtar and does it much better - when the ball is lost, the players quickly come back. How did you do it?
- This is one of the main principles of our game - actions when the team loses the ball. We are working on this component a lot.
This needs to be literally hammered into the heads of the players. Their first thought should be - as soon as we lose the ball, we must immediately react. The players understand that if you need to run 5 meters to recover the ball, then you won’t have to run 40 meters. And the faster we recover the ball, the closer we will be to the opponent’s goal – we will be able to aggravate when the opponent is not yet organized. Our team is very compact, there is not a lot of space between our players and the opponent - this allows us to create a numerical advantage when the ball is lost. And this causes psychological fatigue in the opponent, because they cannot hold the ball for a long time.
But as for Lucescu, I have never compared myself with him. I have great respect for this person and the work he did at Shakhtar. We have radically changed Shakhtar's style, but I don't want to say whether it is worse or better than Lucescu's style. He's just different.
“Perhaps the decision on Kucher was the most difficult in my entire life”
– By the way, about Lucescu. Have you spoken to him this year?
- No never.
- Why?
- There was no need. I never do that. And no one talked to me after leaving. I don't think it's necessary, it can only hurt. It turns out that you come to the club - and you have already formed ideas about the players. And I don't want to know anything until I see and get to know the players myself. Often in such moments there are many lies. They tell you - they say, this player is like this, and the other one is like that. Then you work with them - and you don't notice anything like that.
- This summer you removed one of the team leaders - Oleksandr Kucher, with whom the team never lost last season. What prompted you?
- I respect and love Kucher very much - he really was one of the leaders in the team and did a lot for her. But all cycles come to an end. Players don't last forever, and neither do coaches. And we need to think about the future of the team. We felt we needed to bring in someone young.
- Is saying goodbye to such players the most difficult thing in a coaching career?
- Before Shakhtar, I didn't spend more than a year at any club, as you know. And more often they said goodbye to me than I did. Now I found myself in a situation where I am building a team for the second year - and I had to make such decisions. Perhaps the decision on Kucher was the most difficult in my entire life. It was very difficult for me to say this to him.
But the coach must have the power to separate feelings and rationality. When it comes time to decide what is best for the club, the coach must forget all feelings. If I had not done this, Kucher would now continue to play in the team.
- How was your meeting?
“When you tell the truth, everything is much easier. I explained to Kucher why we are not renewing the contract. We didn't have any quarrels. He understood everything, agreed with my words, we hugged. I thanked him and said that I was always ready to help him if needed.
- What figure in his statistics has become a key one?
- None. If I looked at the numbers, he would have stayed.
- In the match with Konyaspor, Stepanenko specially earned a yellow card in order to reset to zero, for which he was punished by UEFA. Was that your idea?
- I won't lie. It is clear that this was a deliberate move. And I am the only one responsible for this. The player is not at fault.
Do you think it was fair?
- It could have been done a little differently, more hidden. But this happens in all teams.
- You do not allow your loan players to play against Shakhtar. Explain.
- If you take the top European championships, the loan players there also do not play against their clubs. Just imagine that such a player accidentally scores an own goal or brings a penalty. This is a coincidence, this can easily happen. But people, of course, will think - you see, they play along with Shakhtar. We have to protect the players from this.
- Okay, there are some downsides. But there are also pluses. Aren't there more of them?
- Players develop in such matches, your opponents become more competitive.
- One or two games per season do not affect the evolution of the player. But they can kill his career.
- Another question that you can not help but ask. Recently, you have already harshly criticized the work of arbitrators several times. They even said the following phrase: “I perfectly understood what was happening here. Don't make a fool out of me." Decipher - what's going on?
- Other coaches are much more likely to speak badly about referees than we are. Although the tolerance of arbitrators towards us is much less. To win, Shakhtar must be much better than the opponent. If not, we won't be allowed to win.
You can say anything, but you won't deceive me. I have a huge number of examples where the refereeing is not the same in relation to the two top clubs in Ukraine. Many simply do not notice these moments, because they do not fully understand the game.
There are good judges in Ukraine - if we compare them with referees from other countries, I won't say that they are worse in technical terms. But they lack the courage.
“So what exactly is going on?” Conspiracy against Shakhtar? Formally, Dynamo has no leverage to influence the judiciary.
- Shakhtar certainly have no leverage.
You don't want to speak directly.
- It is impossible to say more directly than I say. Who plays football in Ukraine and your readers will understand everything perfectly.
As soon as I arrived here, I respected refereeing. And when you need to praise them, I always do it. But when I feel that they are starting to go against me, I will not be silent. I can repeat - I'm not a fool, I understand what is happening.
A lie is something that every person uses by force or of his own free will. There are a catastrophically few people who have made the decision to never lie. It turns out an amazing thing: everyone around them just keeps saying that it’s bad to deceive, it’s impossible to lie to others, but in the end it turns out that “providing deliberately false information that does not correspond to the truth” is part of our life, a feature of our behavior that helps us to avoid sharp corners, avoid unnecessary problems, turn the situation in your favor, etc.
What happens if a person decides never to lie
Making the decision to never lie is a responsible and very difficult step, which not everyone dares to take. According to leading psychologists, if a person always tells only the truth, his life will become more measured and thoughtful. The truth-lover does not want to get into situations where, according to the logic of things, it would not hurt to start dodging, and therefore he will begin to weigh his every word and action.
Personal growth and development coaches are confident never to lie to anyone - a character trait that can only be inherent in a strong, self-confident person. If you tell the truth, then you have your own opinion, are independent of the actions and words of others, and are able to make decisions on your own.
Usually people who tell the truth know how to stand up for themselves. Finding themselves in uncomfortable situations, they do not try to embellish everything that happens, they speak directly, without embarrassment and fear of misunderstanding.
It should not be assumed that a truth-seeker is an upstart who always and everywhere “shoves” his truth. If a person knows how to reason, compromises, the truthful information he says will be perceived by others calmly, with understanding.
How to learn to never lie
The first step that needs to be taken by a person who has decided never to lie to anyone is to try in every possible way to prevent the occurrence of tense situations, where it is quite difficult to do without lying.
For example, if you don’t want to go somewhere, think up in advance for yourself a real occupation, what you will do during the trip. Thus, when you are invited, you will not have to come up with pseudo illnesses, non-existent meetings with friends, relatives, but suffice it to say that 5 days ago I planned this or that for myself at this time.
The second step is not to pretend to be what you are not. The one who needs it will appreciate you. Why, in this case, humiliate yourself, get out, if many of your circle of friends are not particularly valuable to you.
The third step is to consider each action and decision. Most people lie because they are embarrassed or ashamed of their actions, they understand that serious mistakes have been made. If you do only what you are 100 percent sure of, you will not be ashamed of your actions, and therefore there will be nothing to lie about.
If you look at what good habits people have, not lying is one of the most important. Let's respect ourselves and others and tactfully tell each other only the truth.
« I won't lie”- this phrase was once imprinted in thin lines of scars on the arm. No, now there is no trace of them, but there was a time, I looked at my hand and smiled to myself. It's too much of a phrase, for my whole life. I have never really lied, and this is the absolute truth. If this happens, of course. I was not lying when I told my aunt how happy I was to leave her house and never see my “beloved” relatives again. I did not lie to my friends, indeed, their fate was of great concern to me. And I didn’t want them to participate in the final battle at all. I didn't lie to Ginny by saying that she had to find someone else, someone whose life was not on the altar of the struggle between the dark and light sides. I never lied to Sirius. Indeed, we could become a family. Live together, have fun. I didn't slander myself by saying that I hate Draco Malfoy. This blond reptile infuriates me for a very long time. However, he doesn't really "love" me either. I, openly, brought to the attention of Hagrid - his favorite animals are cute creatures. And Hagrid himself is a great friend. I really genuinely admired Fred and George and enjoyed spending time with them. And being a catcher, for me, is a hobby and just a nice addition to my studies, although it is flattering to hear laudatory odes in my honor. But this is not a secret either. I never lied when I said I hated potions. And it's all about the teacher. I did not deceive old Dumbledore, who constantly broadcasts about equality, brotherhood and eternal love. And each time, promising to meet in a duel with Tom Riddle, and try to emerge victorious from it, again, I did not lie. In a conversation with Molly and Arthur, I was sincerely touched when I heard: "you are to us, like Harry's son." Never deceived his dean. I really tried very hard not to break the rules, to study well, to be diligent and obedient in everything. Even Rita Skeeter and she was honored with the truth, only the truth and nothing else, but the fact that her pen wrote down some kind of nonsense is not for me. The new Minister was very grateful for the promise to end Voldemort. And he was even more pleased with my word, backed up by an oath never to claim his place. And even more so, I never deceived, honestly declaring that after school I would certainly fight criminals. I probably skillfully did not finish, transferred the conversation to other topics, slightly embellished reality, or, on the contrary, exaggerated, but did not deceive. Simply, everything was a little different from what others used to think. - What are you writing, darling? - an unexpected hiss, literally in the ear, will make anyone drop a stack of parchments. And the fact that all other things flew off the table, I have nothing to do with it. Who is to blame that the arms are long and the table is so short? In addition, the fall of unnecessary objects on the floor turned out to be very handy. Some tireless individuals are ready to use any horizontal surface, most often not for its intended purpose. And if suddenly the surface turns out to be vertical, then with one (maybe two) graceful wave of the wand, it is quickly given the necessary shape. This time there was no magic. Uh-huh, I can sit down normally only in the evening. Thank you good regeneration. More precisely, a certain basilisk, which greatly contributed to the development of such a useful skill today. - I don’t understand why you write them, you don’t show them to anyone anyway, you’re not even going to publish them to me? - sounded offended. Therefore, in order not to aggravate the situation, the apologetics had to kiss on the cheeks, lips, forehead and the remaining parts of the face. As a result, I was again seated on the former desk. Now I definitely won’t be able to sit normally, even regeneration won’t cope until the evening. And it's not the first time that damned memoirs have caused such a negative reaction. And they also say my husband has an exhausting job, they say, he only has to come home and immediately sleep, right on the doorstep, apparently. Ugh, how. I can literally crawl to the porch of the mansion, because some have blocked the fireplaces, and I lose the port keys. Apparating, breaking through all the shields in the state of “Merlin, I will never go into this cave alone again”, is dangerous for the moral health of my husband and my physical health. And so you crawl to the door, quietly slip into the house. You can also call the housekeeper, he will take you to the room without too much noise, where I quickly bring myself into a more presentable appearance. Only then do I appear before the bright (figuratively speaking) eyes of my husband. “Harry, when you finish your essays, if you please, look into the blue living room, we are planning a poker game. Without your presence, I'm afraid I won't be able to be a worthy opponent to our guests. Yeah, of course it can't. Some just brazenly use the opportunity to dig into my head, that's the whole way to win. I quietly walk around the living room like this, depicting violent activity, looking at the cards for lovers of evening gatherings along the way. But not at this time. I must finally finish the letter. This is not a memoir. Why did the irritating spouse take it? Just think, I'm writing in an old diary, well, we don't have free-rolling paper. No, and that's it. So where did it stop, ah... I never lie. And, alas, this is true. And if you read this part of the letter, you can be convinced of my words. I really left my aunt's "native" house with great joy, leaving ashes behind me. Dudlick couldn't take even five minutes of Crucio, Vernon broke down on the fourth cutting spell, weakling. Petunia died quickly. Solely because of the great love for the memory of my mother. Hermione and Ron weren't supposed to be in the final battle. These two could easily hurt someone I care about. Therefore, I had to neutralize 2/3 of the "Gryffindor trio" myself. Ginny, well, she certainly could have found someone else instead of continuing to chase after me. Firstly, I am a little bit different and girls have never been particularly attracted, and, secondly, my husband is very jealous. Feel sorry for the stupid girl, peace be upon her. Godfather, well, if he were even a little smarter and less impulsive, you see, you wouldn’t have to send him to Arka. And yes, in a different scenario, we could become a family. Only the alignment should be very “different”. For starters, the godfather would have to change his views on the situation in the magical world. And then change sides, I guess. Draco Malfoy is really a rare bastard, he constantly handed me over to one of our mutual acquaintances. No, I understand Slytherin is a way of life, but it's so brazen to knock! And now he is sincerely surprised at my attacks on him, periodically batting his eyelashes incomprehensibly, making a facial expression “is it possible to offend such a cutie like me.” So what am I, if you (you) happen to communicate with one of the Malfoys (and you definitely will), you can expect anything from them, but the blond bastards differ in one striking feature - they will always and in everything find a benefit for themselves . Therefore, it is worth staying close, or keeping them close. Yes, and they are excellent friends, if you manage to get this title. They definitely don’t leave their own in trouble. But in order to become your own for one of the Malfoys, one must at least try to capture the magical world, thereby "earning" respect. Hagrid is a different story. His cattery is now the most famous in all of England. True, one former forester did not cope, but with the help of Charlie Weasley, who returned to England not so long ago at the request of the twins, he is quite himself. And by the way, yes, spending time next to the red hurricanes is fun. Despite the terribly jealous husband. Although for some reason he does not have much jealousy towards them. Strange. So, what else is there, oh catcher - forgive me without comment, the feeling of flight, boundless freedom and joy is still overwhelming, you just have to climb higher on a broomstick or. .. however, this is not the case. Our "favorite" potion master. Alas, Snape still does not like me very much, although he began to respect me, and then bread. And before, we were completely on knives. Severus thought I was an impulsive, stupid boy, capable of thwarting the most thoughtful and elaborate plan. And I quietly hated, or rather, I was jealous of him. Too much time my, then still, not a spouse spent next to the "horror of Hogwarts." Thank heavens, Snape and I had the sense to have a normal conversation, practically without breaking anything, to clear up all the "grievances" and come to a more or less acceptable relationship. But our picks are still pleasing to the ears of others. On the other hand, who else can I sharpen my wits on? Dumbledore, oh what can I say - the old man was right. Love saves everything and everyone. As for the leveling ideas of the former director of Hogwarts, I was silent then, and I will remain silent now. There is no universal equality, never was and never will be. The promised duel with Voldemort, by the way, took place, I have nothing to reproach. Of course, it did not go exactly as planned by our highly respected director. More precisely, the outcome of that meeting was different. Here, Rita is sincerely sorry, you should not write down so accurately everything that the hero of the magical world carries after the third bottle of firewhiskey. I confess, I got drunk, celebrating the “victory”. Who knew that Rita would be within sight, and I, driven by the desire to pour out my soul to at least someone, chose the wrong candidate for this. Okay, Snape showed up and got his brains right. And Rita? Well, peace to her ashes. Molly and Arthur Weasley touched me with their impudence and naivety. Never and for any money in the world, I would not want to be their son, even adopted. The only "normal" older children quickly left the house as soon as they turned seventeen. Here, we worked well with them and became friends. Bill also advises the auror, including on financial matters. Charlie, in addition to the nursery, often gives advice on working with dangerous types of evil spirits and magical animals. The twins, in general, occupy an entire department for the development of new artifacts. I wouldn't even let them go home from the aurora, otherwise someone would suddenly steal valuable employees. Their parents were less fortunate, the war, you know. Unexpected curses that deprive magical powers. And the need to live in the Muggle world, because Squibs have no place in magical society. Minister? Oh, never for any magical artifacts, I do not agree to be in his place. A puppet in the wrong hands, he-to whom-everyone-around-lied. Therefore, I thank you very much, but I’m not bad at my place either. And, by the way, I really fight criminals, moreover, I work in the Auror, and just to finish off - the main Auror. Perhaps for such a position I am unacceptably young, but here my husband was adamant. Either I lead “all these psychos” (the words of the spouse), or he will contribute to the reorganization of the Auror as an “office”, and in the country, of course, not without his help, not only our opposition will unfold, but also all possible “petty” murderers and robbers . And if I do not want the unexpected death of my dearest spouse from the crazy curse of some thief, then ... no one gave me a choice. And even weak attempts to object that my husband himself will hit anyone with a crazy or not very curse, did not have the desired effect. That's how we live. Beloved spouse disappears in the ministry, remembering with bad words his short-sightedness when he personally offered me the chair of the chief auror. After all, as my dear husband thought, I would only deal with paperwork, verbal scrutiny of the actions of negligent subordinates, but certainly not personally go on especially dangerous missions. And to lock me up at home was somehow not very diplomatic. Thanks to Malfoy Sr. for a convincing lecture on the dangers of confined spaces for active Gryffindors in general, and for mage heroes. the world in particular. In general, dear son, or daughter, or ... if you are reading this letter, it means that I am alive, healthy and feel great, it's just that you have already matured so much that you can find out the truth. And better than the original. And at the same time, perhaps this letter will teach you something. For starters, your dad isn't a hero, he doesn't even look like a "standard" Gryffindor, but I think you've already been told that. On the other hand, I have one important detail of the body - the brains, which sometimes it’s not a sin to use. For example, when choosing friends and parties. Thanks to the undoubtedly right choice once made, we now live in a relatively stable country. Where most magicians are quite happy with the new Minister. Indeed, unlike the old ones, he really cares about the people. Yes, some were not satisfied with the law regarding Muggle-borns, but you must admit that Muggles will not raise a normal wizard. Moreover, adoptive parents raise the baby as their own, having previously performed a full ritual of adoption into a clan or family, this is at their discretion. And then the grown up wizard, going to the first year of school, does not feel like an outcast, he navigates the magical world no worse than purebred peers. Yes, and the concept of "mudblood" is a thing of the past. Now, when choosing spouses, the parents of ancient purebred families look at the magical power of the candidates, the position of the Family in society, and, well, financial condition. Yes, to be honest, having passed the ritual of adoption into a clan / family, the child automatically receives all the skills and knowledge of his parents that would be transferred to their own baby. By the way, I unearthed the ritual in the archive of the Auror by chance. As Severus says, "Only you could accidentally find such a treasure." Although, you and about this, most likely, told. But no one, perhaps, said where my supposedly best friends had gone. The very ones that were part of the famous "Gryffindor trio." Hermione and Ron officially left England immediately after Dumbledore's death and the fall of the Order of the Phoenix. My "beloved" friends, acquaintances and relatives are sure that it was so. But, neither Granger nor her red-haired boyfriend left London. You know, the hardest part is always doing it yourself. And, if you yourself cannot do something, then it will be cowardice to entrust your “mission” to another. Am I sorry? No, not a drop. We were only friends in name. They never tried to understand me, living in a fictional world, continuing to be friends with an invented hero. Never opening your eyes, never trying to look into my soul. But who would let them in? But, one way or another, neither Hermione nor Ron would ever have accepted the new order of the world. But the problems from them could be expected to be enormous. I had to sacrifice ex-friendship. Sometimes it seems to me that the twins guess everything, but are silent. Perhaps they are hesitant to hear the truth. Their right, but if Fred or George wanted to know what happened to their emotionally unstable little brother, I would not lie. No matter how hard it is to admit. In conclusion, I want to say: I do not regret anything. Dumbledore was right, love saved me. But not quite the way the old man wanted. Well, not all plans go as planned. Albus did not imagine that then in the first year, while still a child, Harry Potter would decide on a deliberate "adult" act. And he will listen with pleasure to the representative of the other side, only then he will hang labels: “bad”, “good” and “conditionally good”. Who knew that in the course of resurrection, training, we would not only make friends with Tom and his Eaters, but also decide to fulfill the prophecy. The real one, not the fake courtesy of the director. And yet, if they tell you, they say, my beloved husband contributed to the death of your grandfather and grandmother - do not believe it. It's all the fault of Dumbledore and his Order. This is all planned by the old man. He also planned my life, with a tragic death in the seventh year at the hands of Tom, too. So, serve him well. Oh, I wanted to write such a small message, but a full-fledged letter came out. Okay, so I bow out. And I really hope that you (whoever you are) will not be disappointed in your daddy. G.D. Potter Riddle.
"Are you all right?" - "Yes!" – and turned her nose to the wall. Familiar? Still, after all, a lie to the questions “how are you?”, “Is everything okay?”, “Are you offended / not offended?” - is considered the most common in both women and men. Other than that, there are many differences.
1. We are all successful, besides the beauty of unearthly
For example, both of them lie to impress the interlocutor, but men do this more often. Sometimes it’s not even about the impression itself, but about the subconscious intention to reinforce one’s own idea of oneself, to raise self-esteem. A man is more likely to embellish information, who he works for, how much he receives. And, for example, both sexes lie about the same about their popularity with the opposite sex, but unfortunate gentlemen are more likely to exaggerate the number of connections, and ladies - rejected admirers.
Women often lie about their appearance - and they believe in their lies. Wishful thinking is accepted. Why not say that you weigh two kilograms less if you are on a diet from Monday? Also, according to research, girls lie about purchases, overstating the cost of a dress for friends and underestimating for a partner in a conversation, especially in the case of a joint budget.
2. We are also cute and help each other
Men's lies for the sake of mutual assistance are already the subject of jokes and other literature. “Yes, Gosha and I played billiards all evening. No, they drank a little, he hardly drank at all. By the way, about the amount of alcohol consumed - this is a separate reason for lying, and, as a rule, not for women.
Women are much more likely to lie out of altruism, unwillingness to make a person unpleasant. We strive to spare feelings, not to offend, to avoid scandal. Oops, this also includes the taboo topic - imitation of orgasm.
The reason for women's lies to make a person feel better is due to upbringing - what kind of parents do not teach a girl to be nice. That is why the girl is more likely to say that her colleague is getting an unsuccessful haircut. Men, in turn, are less likely to make false compliments, they are more likely to remain silent. Unless they honestly answer the question “Am I not fat?”, But this is sacred.
Everyone who does it lies about cheating. There can be no exact statistics here, but something tells us that the ratio of boys / girls is about the same here, well, maybe a little more than boys due to imaginary bachelors. Altruism with the desire to avoid a scandal, but, in essence, simply not to change one's life, works in this case for both sexes in the same way.
It works equally well in harmless routine situations: when trying to avoid an unpleasant conversation (“I was on the subway, there was no connection”), the reasons for being late (“there is a huge traffic jam”), the time of being late (“I will be in five minutes”). Also - about the speed of work, but this is rather due to the tendency to overestimate oneself in specific people, mostly choleric and melancholic, regardless of gender.
4. Lying style
Girls are usually easier to catch in a lie. And it's not that we are not cool enough or that we control ourselves worse. We show more ingenuity, and this can both help and hurt. Women are more inclined to tell complex stories, with a plot. Sometimes this is justified, but definitely not in those cases where a man would keep silent or limit himself to a short, vague phrase.
Although people in general do not recognize lies very well, we all mistakenly believe that we succeed. This is confirmed by numerous psychological experiments, where the subjects were asked to mix truth and untruth, and their interlocutors were asked to recognize where one is, where the other.
Therefore, if you really need to lie, it's easy to do. But it's better to follow some rules.
5. Ready, pay attention, we're lying!
First, quality lies need to be worked out. Improvisation is, of course, good, but if it's something important, don't risk it. Think through the story to the smallest detail, make sure that it is logical, that it does not contradict your usual way of life, and constantly keep it in your head. At the same time, do not give out the whole story: the shorter the lie, the better. Thoughtful but unspoken additional details are your safety net, and will come in handy in case of unexpected questions. By the way, it is best to mix lies and truth, real facts will give weight to the story.
Second, watch out for nonverbals. Do not hide your eyes, but do not look into your eyes either - this is how you betray that you are following the reaction of the interlocutor. Better look at the face as a whole. Do not pull anything, watch your hands - this is also a common mistake. But do not hold back, do not limit facial expressions and gestures. A closed posture is your enemy. If it is difficult not to twitch and there is a corresponding opportunity - lie on the phone. Still, most of the information we perceive is non-verbal, do not forget about it.
It would even be superfluous to say that the best way to lie convincingly is to believe in your story. But this is not necessary either, very few people initially expect a catch, and it's all about expectations. This is especially true for loved ones - they themselves want to justify you, it is emotionally comfortable for them. Therefore, if you have absolutely no conscience - go ahead, lie to them all.
I'm lying! Do not go ahead, but think again if you need it. Still, being honest is nice and beautiful. Sometimes we all need to repeat this to ourselves more often.
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