How to improve communication skills at work and personal relationships. What helps and what hinders communication What hinders effective communication

Rules for successful interaction (according to G. Breuning).

1. Long sentences make it difficult to understand. Short sentences (8-15 words) are more visual, easier to perceive and understand.
2. The voice is a powerful tool of persuasion - it can cause both sympathy and antipathy for a person.
3. Pauses are a very powerful but often underestimated tool of influence. They enhance attention, soothe, emphasize what has been said. After a long pause, you can, for example, easily change the topic of conversation.

A. Use verbs more often in your speech. They give clarity to the statement and encourage action. Adjectives give speech a touch of something personal.

5. The more abstract this or that concept, the more ambiguous it can be interpreted. Therefore, already at the beginning of the conversation, you need to explain to your partner the meaning that you put into it.

- Speak just enough for the other person to understand you. You should not "tie" in the details and bombard the interlocutor with unnecessary clarifying information. This can be done later if necessary.
- Do not deviate from the topic of conversation.
- Avoid ambiguous expressions.

Before starting a conversation, prepare yourself. Only an extraordinary person can come to negotiations or start an important conversation on the phone

- remember everything that I wanted to say,
- put it in a logical sequence,
- be brief and not deviate from the main topic.

Write down the keywords on a small card. First, it will help structure your own thoughts. Secondly, it will help you focus on the main points of your speech. Thirdly, if you forget something while talking to people, a key word card will help you recall it.

Don't argue over trifles. If you like to argue and push people, you can make a lot of enemies for yourself, even if your affirmative positions are quite logical. It is impossible to convince a person of something if he himself does not want it. Any dispute is initially hopeless. Having voiced his position once, a person prefers to stick to it. This is a general pattern. A person can, of course, be argued, crushed in a dispute with seemingly irrefutable evidence. Only in this case you will not change his mind. At trainings, a situation is repeatedly observed when in a dispute a person "goes into a deaf defense" and then he no longer hears his opponent. And here you can say even the most reasonable arguments - all the same to no avail. What is the way out of this? Ask questions: "Don't you think...?", "Isn't it better to do it this way...?" etc. Questions will help avoid affirmative sentences. Questions don't weigh people down like statements do. Your restrained tone will find a favorable reception from people. Questions like this can kill two birds with one stone:

- tell the other person what you think;
Compliment him by asking his opinion.

Unsystematized information is worse perceived. If you bring down a stream of unsystematized information on the interlocutor, you will completely confuse him. In such a situation, it is very difficult to separate the main from the secondary. This can be a technique to completely confuse the enemy. Information presented in small portions also does not allow to use it effectively, since the integrity of perception is lost in this case. But if you want the interlocutor to understand you, then try to present your material consistently and logically. Therefore, if you are faced with the task of "chatting" the interlocutor, give out information in an unsystematized form in separate pieces. If you want to be not only heard, but also understood, structure your information.

People very often believe words. It is much more expedient to pay more attention to the behavior of people, their deeds and deeds. Pay less attention to what people SAY in favor of what they DO. And at the same time it’s also good to analyze the connection or discrepancy between words and deeds

Template break. An interesting technique is the "pattern break". You introduce an inappropriate remark into a situation that is in itself a coherent message, but prevents the other person from giving the only answer to the original situation.

A good way to interrupt the train of thought of the interlocutor is to suddenly say to him: "You see!" (or "I told you so!").

Negative and positive words. Many people unconsciously use words that subconsciously repel the interlocutor. Try to make adjustments to the style of your statements, change the emotional coloring of your words, make it more calm.

negative words positive words

Speak calmly. If a person begins to explain something in a raised tone, then understanding will be difficult. And the more sensitive a person is, the more noticeable it is. This pattern is easy to explain. The fact is that all the attention of a person who is hit by a stream of negatively colored words is focused not on the meaning of the words, but on the attitude of the speaker towards him. As a result, attention shifts and blocks the analyzer activity of the brain. Therefore, all words spoken in raised tones are simply not perceived by the listener. This is a protective reaction of the body, which must be taken into account. In order to neutralize such phenomena, you can use, for example, the phrase: "If you speak calmly, I can understand you better", it is difficult to object to this. This phrase does not cause an aggressive reaction in response, because it is neutral.

Change the meaning of the message with the help of intonation. Top voices are of great importance in the process of communication. By arranging the acceptances in different ways, the meaning of the message being sent can be changed to a great extent. For example, the phrase "We must solve this problem together" can be said in completely different ways.

Techniques that increase the effectiveness of communication

There are many ways to increase the effectiveness of communication, to overcome communication barriers. Let's name some of them.

Reception "proper name" is based on pronouncing aloud the name and patronymic of the partner with whom the employee communicates. This shows attention to this person, contributes to the assertion of a person as a person, causes him a sense of satisfaction and is accompanied by positive emotions, thereby forming an attraction, an employee’s disposition towards a client or partner.

The “relationship mirror” technique consists of a kind smile and a pleasant facial expression, indicating that “I am our friend.” A friend is a supporter, a protector. The interlocutor has a feeling of security, which forms positive emotions and voluntarily or involuntarily forms an attraction.

Reception "golden words" consists in expressing compliments to a person, contributing to the effect of suggestion. Thus, there is, as it were, "absentee" satisfaction of the need for improvement, which also leads to the formation of positive emotions and determines the disposition towards the employee.

The Patient Listener comes from listening patiently and attentively to the client's concerns. This leads to the satisfaction of one of the most important needs of any person - the need for self-affirmation. Her satisfaction naturally leads to the formation of positive emotions and creates trust in the client.

Reception "private life" expressed in drawing attention to hobbies, hobbies of the client (partner), which also increases his verbal activity and is accompanied by positive emotions.

Techniques that allow you to win over the interlocutor

Show sincere interest and attention to people and their problems.
Be kind, be kind.
Remember the person's name and everything you can learn about him - marital status, hobbies, weaknesses. This will help you find common topics for conversation. Nothing disposes a person to interaction like common interests, common hobbies.
Learn to listen patiently to others. Show attention and empathy.
Never humiliate a person, even if he is wrong.
Let the person feel their importance, emphasize their competence, encourage, compliment, use praise. And do it sincerely. The fake is easily recognized.
Sincerely recognize the dignity of the interlocutor. Ask him questions "understanding" the issues of the area in which he is an expert.
Paying attention to errors, do it in an indirect form.
Before criticizing another, point out your own mistakes.
Ask questions instead of giving orders.
Let the person save face.
Praise a person for each of his even modest

success and be at the same sparkle.

Give credit to his real successes and achievements.
Make it fun for people to do what you want.

Introduction

“The ability to communicate with people is a commodity, and I will pay more for this skill than for anything else in the world.”

(J. Rockefeller)

Man is a "social being". This means that he lives among people and carries out his life activity (achieves goals, satisfies needs, works) only through interaction, communication - contact, mediated or imaginary.

In communication as a process of successive mutually oriented in time and space actions, reactions, behavioral acts, there is an exchange of information and its interpretation, mutual perception, mutual understanding, mutual assessment, empathy, the formation of likes or dislikes, the nature of relationships, beliefs, views, psychological impact, conflict resolution, implementation joint activities. Thus, each of us in our lives, interacting with other people, acquires practical skills and abilities in the field of communication.

Considering the process of human cognition of a person in communication, one of the founders of Soviet psychology, S.L. Rubinshtein, wrote: “In everyday life, communicating with people, we are guided by their behavior, since we, as it were, “read” it, that is, we decipher the meaning of its external data and reveal the meaning of the resulting text in a context that has its own internal psychological plan. This 'reading' is fleeting, because in the process of communicating with those around us, certain studies are developed, a more or less automatically functioning subtext to their behavior.

Effective communication is the only thing that can be really important for all people living in a society. Not thinking about effective communication while communicating is like crossing a street in a busy place without looking around.

Effective communication:

promotes mutual understanding;

directs the flow of information in the right direction;

helps people overcome barriers to open discussion;

encourages interlocutors to take action to achieve their goals;

communicates information, encouraging employees to think in new ways and act more effectively.

This paper describes the most significant techniques and technologies for effective communication.

Effective communication

Communication plays a huge role in the life of society. Without it, the process of education, formation, development of personality, interpersonal contacts, as well as management, service, scientific work and other activities in all areas where transmission, assimilation of information and exchange of it are necessary, are unthinkable.

Communication plays an important role in a person's mastery of cultural and universal values, public experience. In the process of communication, this specific form of human interaction with other people, a mutual exchange of ideas, ideas, interests, moods, attitudes, etc. is carried out.

Increasing the importance of communication in today's world requires the ability to communicate. This means that communication needs to be taught, communication needs to be learned, which implies the need for a deep knowledge of this phenomenon, its patterns and features that are manifested in people's activities.

The theory of speech culture as a special linguistic discipline is proposed to be based on the following definition this discipline. The culture of speech is such a set and such an organization of language tools that, in a certain situation of communication, while observing modern language norms and ethics of communication, can provide the greatest effect in achieving the set communicative tasks.

The effectiveness of communication is the "final product", the creation of which should be facilitated by the theory of speech culture in its practical application. By the effectiveness of communication, we mean the best way to achieve the set communication goals. The communicative goals of communication are closely related to the basic functions of the language.

Effective communication technologies are such methods, techniques and means of communication that fully ensure mutual understanding and mutual empathy (empathy is the ability to put oneself in the place of another person (or object), the ability to empathize) communication partners.

Communication itself as a complex socio-psychological process is characterized by three main content aspects: communicative, interactive and perceptual. Each of them has relative independence and provides certain goals for the subjects of communication:

The communicative aspect reflects the desire of communication partners to exchange information;

The interactive aspect is manifested in the need for them to comply with the established norms of communication, as well as in their desire to actively influence each other in a certain direction;

The perceptual aspect expresses the need of the subjects of communication for mutual empathy, sympathy, empathy.

A special place in the content of technologies for effective communication in conflict is occupied by the target settings of conflict participants. First of all, this is due to a significant contradiction in the very process of such communication. On the one hand, rivals especially need to understand each other correctly. And on the other hand, such mutual understanding is hindered by the lack of proper trust between them, their "closedness" in relation to each other, due to conscious or unconscious self-defense in the conflict. Therefore, in order to ensure constructive communication in a conflict, it is desirable (if possible) to create an atmosphere of mutual trust in this process, to form a target setting for cooperation.

The main content of effective communication technologies ultimately comes down to compliance with certain rules and norms of communication.

Basic rules for effective communication:

Concentrate on the speaker, his message.

Specify whether you correctly understood both the general content of the received information and its details.

Tell the other party in paraphrased form the meaning of the information received.

In the process of receiving information, do not interrupt the speaker, do not give advice, do not criticize, do not sum up, do not be distracted by preparing an answer. This can be done after receiving the information and clarifying it.

Make sure you are heard and understood. Follow the order in which information is presented. If you are not convinced of the accuracy of the information received by the partner, do not proceed to new messages.

Maintain an atmosphere of trust, mutual respect, show empathy for the interlocutor.

Use non-verbal means communications: frequent eye contact; nodding the head as a sign of understanding and other techniques that encourage constructive dialogue.

For effective communication, you need to know some tricks, because. many of them operate at the subconscious level.

A few tips for effective communication:

- "Rule of three twenty":

20 sec. you are being evaluated.

20 sec. how and what you started to say.

20 cm smiles and charm.

6 rules of Gleb Zheglov:

Show genuine interest in the interviewee.

Smile.

Remember the name of the person and do not forget to repeat it from time to time in a conversation.

Be able to listen.

Carry on a conversation in the circle of interests of your interlocutor.

Treat him with respect.

How to increase the usefulness of a contact:

Be observant;

Make a compliment;

Talk about the problems of the interlocutor.

Black's Rules for Effective Communication:

Always insist on the truth.

Building messages is simple and clear.

Do not embellish, do not stuff the price.

Remember that 1/2 of the audience are women.

Make communication exciting, avoid boredom and routine.

Control the form of communication, avoid extravagance.

Do not spare time to clarify the general opinion.

Remember the need for continuous communication and clarification of a common opinion.

Try to be persuasive at every stage of communication.

As a result you will get:

Formal contact develops into normal human communication.

You will win the interlocutor.

You will increase your self-esteem.

Let's look at some of the effective communication techniques and the importance of applying them in more detail.

First impression (first 20 seconds)

The first impression of a person is 38% dependent on the sound of the voice, 55% on visual sensations (from sign language) and only 7% on the verbal component. Of course, the first impression is not always the final verdict, but it is important that communication is built on its basis from the very beginning. Therefore, it is important to be able to make a good impression on others.

To safely get through the "minefield" of the first 20 seconds, you must use the "Rule of three" pluses ".

Experts have noticed: in order to win over the interlocutor from the very beginning of an acquaintance or conversation, you need to give him at least three psychological “pluses”, in other words, make pleasant “gifts” to his Child three times (The same applies to the end of a conversation or meeting).

There are, of course, many possible "pluses", but the most universal of them: a compliment, a smile, the name of the interlocutor and raising his importance.

Compliment

At first glance, a compliment is the easiest thing to communicate. But to make it masterfully is the highest art.

Compliments are of three types:

1. An indirect compliment. We praise not the person himself, but what is dear to him: a hunter - a gun, a “crazy” on dogs - his pet, a parent - a child, etc. It is enough, going into the office of a female boss, to notice in passing how tastefully the furnishings are chosen and how comfortable you feel here, in order to earn some favor with this.

2. Compliment "minus-plus". We give the interlocutor at first a small "minus". For example, “Perhaps I can’t say that you good worker… You are an indispensable specialist for us!” After the “minus”, a person is lost and ready to be indignant, and then, in contrast, something very flattering for him is said. The psychological state resembles the sensations of a person balancing on the edge of the abyss: first, horror at the thought of death, and then, indescribable joy: “Alive!” Psychologists consider such a compliment to be the most emotional and memorable, but, like everything potent, it is risky. If the "minus" turns out to be stronger than the "plus", the consequences can be disastrous for us.

3. The person is compared to something most dear to the one who compliments. “I would like to have a responsible son like you!” This compliment is the most subtle and most pleasant for the interlocutor. But its scope is limited:

In order not to look artificial, the existence of close and trusting relationships between the interlocutors is necessary.

The partner must know how important for us what we are comparing.

The most difficult thing in a compliment is to adequately answer it. This cannot be done right away, otherwise the person, if not offended, will no longer want to compliment us another time. General scheme could be: "It's thanks to you!" All art consists in the ability to gracefully vary it. In other words, it is necessary to return the psychological “plus” to the person who gave it to us. At the same time, it is important to praise the interlocutor for his positive qualities, and not for the fact that he is so good: he praised us, noticed the good in us.

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A modern person strives to be successful everywhere - both at work and in his personal life. Career, family, friends are all parts of life, and effective communication allows you to improve all areas and reach maximum agreement. Everyone should strive to improve their social skills. Even if difficulties initially arise, over time this knowledge will bring well-deserved results - reliable interpersonal connections.

Definition of communication

Different ways of transferring information from one person to another is called communication. It includes all the variety of channels for transmitting and decoding signals and happens:

verbal;
non-verbal;
written;
pictographic;
space-symbol, etc.

It is believed that communication is effective when the sender of information communicates on the same wavelength as the recipient. However, even communication in a single sign system does not guarantee that the message will be correctly deciphered.

Effective communication allows you to minimize the loss of meaning of the message. To successfully promote a business, to maintain friendships, for a vibrant personal life, it will be useful for any person to improve their communication skills.

Fundamentals of Effective Communication

Communication as a banal exchange of information is already present in the simplest animals. Man in the process of evolution has brought communication to perfection. Spoken and developed and gradually expanded to written, symbolic and figurative. However, this process has complicated understanding, and effective communication becomes a separate object of study.

The communication process includes five elements:

A communicator is one who conveys information.
The content of the message.
Method of information transfer (how it is carried out).
The audience, or recipient, is who the message is intended for.
The final stage of communication, allowing you to understand whether effective communication has taken place. It is possible only if the previous four are sufficiently satisfactory.

Principles of Effective Communication

Without positive communication, it is impossible to achieve mutual understanding on any issue. In order to make sure that other people correctly perceive outgoing information, a number of requirements must be met.

First of all, you need to pay attention to the principles of effective communication:

Communication must be two-way. When all participants are interested in a positive outcome of the conversation, and it is equivalent for them, the necessary effect arises.
The recipient must make every effort to correctly perceive the message.
The message should be clear, structured and concise.
The recipient must trust the speaker, respect his opinion and not question his competence.
Effective communication is always emotional, to the extent that is acceptable in a given situation.
Patience and condescension to other people's shortcomings. Acceptance of people as they are, without trying to correct or correct anything.

Below we discuss the basic conditions for effective communication.

How to achieve a positive effect from communication?

For communication to be considered effective, certain conditions must be met:

Speech should correspond to the original purpose of the conversation, be adequate. You should not talk too much or touch on issues in a conversation that have nothing to do with the topic under discussion. It improves effective communication skills.
The words used must be logical and lexically accurate, this is very important to achieve the goal of communication. It is achieved through constant self-education, reading various literature and attentive attitude to the native language.
The story itself should be logical and competent. A clear presentation structure creates favorable conditions for listeners and increases the chances of a positive outcome.

Effective Communication Techniques

Any person lives in society and is dependent on it. Even the most desperate homebodies, perhaps not directly, but enter into interpersonal relationships. Both for work and for domestic social connections, effective communication will be useful. Techniques and communication skills can be developed and improved - this will make the life of any person much easier.

Do you want to get positive in the process of communication? It will be useful for you to learn some techniques for improving communication efficiency:

Learn to listen carefully to what they say. You should not only look at the interlocutor during the conversation, but also lean slightly, nod your head, and ask relevant leading questions. This technique will allow you to accurately understand the point of view of the interlocutor.
Be clear, concise and to the point. The more clearly a thought is formulated, the more likely it is to be understood and perceived correctly.
Include in your arsenal not only verbal, but also non-verbal communication. Take the same posture as the interlocutor, try to use only open gestures, do not touch your face during the conversation.
Pay attention to the emotional coloring of speech. It should be moderate, but enough so that the interlocutor understands your interest in the issue.
Mastering the techniques of mastering the voice allows you to accelerate the development of effective communication. Clear articulation, correct timbre and adjusted volume will make any message positive.
Master the technical means of communication. Any adult needs to be able to use the phone, fax, Skype, e-mail. Written communication skills should be developed regularly.

These are just basic techniques designed to facilitate and improve interpersonal communication.

Rules for Effective Communication

Everyone must meet certain standards. Their violation leads to a lack of understanding between the interlocutors, conflicts and even to a break in relations.

Rules for effective communication:

Speak in the language of the interlocutor. This rule should be understood as the need to take into account the level of education, social status, age and other parameters. To be heard and understood, it is necessary to formulate your thoughts, based on the characteristics of the audience.
Prepare to communicate. If the conversation is not spontaneous, you should find out in advance with whom and for what reason you will meet. Take visual aids and technical means. Develop a conversation plan.
Learn the techniques of active listening, this will help to position the interlocutor and better understand his point of view.
Speak clearly, moderately loudly and confidently, do not stretch the words, but do not slur.
When writing a letter, stick to the chosen style.
Before making a phone call or Skype, plan ahead for the conversation and the questions that need to be discussed.

Ways to Communicate Effectively

In order to achieve mutual understanding in the process of communication, it is necessary to create conditions and take into account possible ways of effective communication. There are six of them in total:

Strive to express your thoughts as convincingly as possible. Always speak briefly and to the point, avoid unnecessary heaps of words, omissions and possible double interpretations.
Use terminology and professionalism only when appropriate.
Even in everyday communication jargon and slang expressions should be avoided, especially for intergenerational communication.
Avoid unnecessary emotional load, both positive and negative.
Try to contact in a personalized way, by name, by scientific or military rank, or by uniting a group of interlocutors with a common word.
Always follow the etiquette.

Nonverbal cues to improve communication

Interlocutors perceive each other not only by ear. Verbal exposure can be increased or decreased by various non-verbal cues. Our body sends them out in large numbers, and other people read and interpret them on a subconscious level.

To improve, it will be useful to master the techniques of positive non-verbal reinforcement:

Be always clean and tidy: even if the clothes do not quite match the dress code, the overall impression of the conversation will be positive.
Try to control facial expressions and emotions. Facial expression should be neutral-positive and respond with changes depending on the course of the conversation.
Avoid touching your face during a communicative act - this is subconsciously perceived as an attempt to cover your mouth, respectively, your statement is false.
Learn to "mirror" the position of the interlocutor's body. It is important to do this delicately, without excessive zeal, so as not to look like a caricature.
Avoid "closed" poses - crossed arms and legs. This position of the body indicates a lack of readiness for effective communication. While open palms and a friendly smile are able to win over any interlocutor.

Conditions for effective communication using technical means

Technological progress has given us new tools to facilitate communication. These are telephones, faxes, the Internet. Communication with the help of technology should be built according to the same rules and principles as interpersonal communication. You should follow all the rules of etiquette, the principles of business and personal conversation.

A fragment of Neil Fiore's book. Psychology of personal effectiveness. How to beat stress, stay focused and enjoy your work. - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013.

This book, written by an experienced psychologist, will allow you to look at your work from the outside, change your attitude to many things, and develop good habits that increase motivation and reduce stress.

Communication is needed in order to motivate, influence, educate, manage, convince,
and to unite for the sake of the mission of the organization and personal ideas and goals.
Tony Alessandra "The Platinum Rule"

Effective communication is essential for successful implementation organization goals. Distorted, misinterpreted messages are often the cause of defeat large companies, armies and nations. However, many managers, entrepreneurs, and business people still think that communication is all about giving orders, arguing, and making excuses. Whereas the first thing is active listening. As Americans joke, for New Yorkers, listening means waiting for their turn to speak.

Any salesperson knows that a potential customer needs to be listened to in order to understand their needs, and in order to maintain long-term cooperation, one should put oneself in his place, speak at the same pace and in the same phrases. In other words, a successful business is built on long-term customer relationships. When you provide them with quality service, a connection is established between you. After arguments or discussions, you move to another level, realizing that you have been heard, understood and friendly towards you. Deep interconnection is built on effective communications that form the loyalty of colleagues, subordinates and customers.

Effective or ineffective

Ineffective communication is arguing with others, aimed at protecting your goals and plans. It means there are winners and losers. This style of "communication" is rooted in a philosophy that divides the world in two: into "right and wrong", "victory and defeat" or "good and bad", without taking into account intermediate states. There is only one correct opinion, so we can neglect the views and experiences of people who can enrich our knowledge of the world and form a complete picture. Instead, we constantly defend our narrow views. A pause in the conflict is considered a success, when the defender temporarily retreats. Disagreements eventually boil over into resistance, loss of team effectiveness, and even sabotage until a balance of power and respect is established.
Effective communication, in turn, aims to understand the views, feelings and opinions of others. When two parties listen to each other, both win. Mutual understanding and respect become the basis of cooperation, interdependence and loyalty. Success is achieved if each side says: “Yes, that's what I meant. Do you understand me".

Effective communication skills allow opposites to coexist - this is the highest ability to understand a different point of view and find a compromise. Why argue about who is right and who is wrong? The goal of effective communication is to build and protect relationships, support and working relationships that are mutually beneficial and therefore lasting.

By demonstrating a willingness to listen and understand the position and feelings of the other person (without denying your own point of view), you create an atmosphere of security and approval that increases the likelihood of signing a lucrative contract or deal.

The Power of Active Listening

The power of active listening is most evident in the work of the customer service department and in negotiations. The better his staff works, the fewer complaints and more satisfied customers and repeat calls.

Well-trained department employees offer excellent service, learn to avoid disputes and try to smooth out conflict situations.

My effective communication training includes listening exercises that involve dividing the audience into subordinates (or clients) and managers (or employees of the service department). The initial goal is to listen to at least three sentences, and then paraphrase what was said until the speaker confirms that he has been heard and understood. When participants show that they share the client's frustration or annoyance, the client moderates their enthusiasm. One real customer even said, “Oh, you are so sweet. I thought you would argue with me or accuse me of lying.

Once at a seminar in construction company the engineers stopped talking and started arguing and looking for a solution to the problem even before the subordinate had finished the sentence. Even under conditions role play the discussion was quite heated. When you try to express your dissatisfaction and resentment, and they don’t listen to you, it’s very annoying.

It took several days of practice before the construction company employees learned to listen to ten sentences in a row and began to accurately paraphrase what the speaker was trying to say. Several participants in the training (mostly among the male audience) told me during the break that these sessions also help in communicating with my wife. To which I replied: “If you want to achieve more, insert the words “Go on” and “You are right” from time to time.

Naturally, active listening helps not only in personal relationships, but also in work. service department, in the field of personnel management, etc. Among other things, if you carefully listen to the interlocutor, there is no time left to come up with counterarguments or justify your position. Preoccupation with speech shows approval and allows the speaker to feel comfortable and open up even more. And that means more satisfied customers, repeat referrals, and more sales. Effective communication skills directly affect the profits of any business.

Effective Communication Exercises

Participants in my trainings know that the more relevant the topic and the more emotional the discussion, the more relentlessly they need to follow the guidelines for achieving mutually beneficial communication. The process of attentive and active listening proceeds much more naturally if these rules are applied several times in practice.

Decide how long each of you will talk continuously.
Look at each other and observe facial expressions and gestures. You should not be separated by foreign objects, and the distance between you should be comfortable, about a meter and a half.
Determine who speaks first. While one expresses a thought, the other listens attentively and observes. The listener concentrates on the words of the interlocutor, his intonation and body movements, in order to then retell the message. The speaker stops after three or five phrases - just enough for the listener to catch the meaning, and not so much to forget the essence of what was said.
The listener retells the words, describes the gestures and facial expressions of the speaker without any interpretation or correction. If the speaker took too high a pace, the listener can interrupt him with the words:
"Wait a minute, let me make sure I understand what you said earlier."
After the listener has stated his version, the speaker points out what he is right about, corrects mistakes and confirms that he was heard and caught verbal and non-verbal messages.
The exercise continues until the speaker has finished and feels satisfied that they have been understood. Then the participants change roles (you can even switch places) and repeat everything from the beginning.

To retell someone's thought requires attention to the speaker's words, his intonation and gestures. You must provide feedback in the form of the quintessence of verbal and non-verbal signals. When expressing the thoughts of the interlocutor, you pursue the following goals:

Focus on the other person instead of judging, arguing, or looking for a solution.
Show respect and a sincere attempt to understand.
Check if everything is understood correctly.
Allow the interlocutor to clarify the meaning of the above, as well as to find out other meanings of the appeal. For example, you could say, "Your words sound offended, but your intonation and clenched fist make me think you're probably even angry."

Use this guide at least once, and then refer to it as needed. The main thing is to listen to each other, not to argue. Companies that have adopted active listening skills easily sweep away the barriers that interfere with communication, negotiations, and productive teamwork.

Communication principles

You communicate continuously

In order for your silence or gestures to be interpreted correctly, it is better to immediately communicate your physical and emotional state.

“If you think I'm a little unassembled, don't take it personally. I just got a terrible cold."

“It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings. I'm afraid this will destroy our relationship, but I'm very angry that you didn't support me in the meeting."

Hearing does not mean understanding

Try not to think obviously bad about the character or intentions of others and ask them to clarify the thought if you doubt the meaning of a particular message or gesture.

“I think I understand your point, but for greater certainty, it’s better to repeat.”

“Perhaps I wrote down the time of the meeting incorrectly. I was expecting you at 9 am."

Communication is not complete until the listener confirms you are right

Compare the two dialogues.

Completely agree with you. Looking forward to walking in the park.
Beautiful day, isn't it?
Did you watch the Los Angeles Lakers game yesterday?

The speaker must make sure that the listener understands him.

Put yourself in his place. Try to feel the cultural context of the listener. Pay attention to linguistic and semantic differences.

“You look puzzled. Maybe I didn't express myself clearly?

“Excuse me, I want to make sure you understand what I mean. Let me explain in a different way."

Use the pronoun "I"

Do not retreat from your subjective truth, your problem and your goals. For example:

“I ran into one problem: I want to promote you, but I can’t because you are late and don’t turn in projects on time.”

Try not to climb into the soul, do not analyze and do not dictate your will. Do not speak:

"How can! You're always late (forgetting, taking it to heart)."

Avoid sarcasm and jokes during a serious discussion. When expressing resentment, anger, or disappointment, insert the pronoun "I". For example:

“I don’t care about sarcasm. If you are angry, tell me directly, and stop repeating that I do not understand jokes or take everything to heart.

No mutual complaints

Communication is most effective when it focuses on one speaker or one issue. Give up any excuses. The person complaining should be:

heard;
understood;
convinced that you are on the way to a compromise, even before the listener answers and retells his words.

Plan for cooldowns and moments of emotional outburst

When the arguments are exhausted and start to go in circles, it is better to take a break and calm down.

“Are you comfortable talking now? Can we reschedule to 9pm?

Different communication styles and preferences

Communication fails for a number of reasons, among which one of the main ones is the difference in styles, cultures and preferences. Although in general this is a given, not a problem. Business people simply need to have excellent communication skills.

Personal styles and preferences in communication can be positioned on the axes of coordinates as follows: direct vs. indirect and task-oriented vs. person-oriented.

Four communication styles and personality types:

Direct and task oriented: directors, managers, presidents.
Direct and human-oriented: salespeople and PR people.
Indirect and task oriented: accounting and technical staff.
Indirect and people-oriented: HR managers and administrative staff.

Every team should have all personality types and communication styles (see Table 4.1). These are generalized categories; in fact, relationships, styles and preferences in communication intersect and combine. But the table reminds of their difference. Remember that difference is a given, not a problem.

Styles of perception of information

In addition to different communication styles, your subordinates, partners and clients perceive information differently, that is, everyone sees, hears and interprets it in their own way. One communications expert, former Oakland Raiders football head coach John Madden once said, “Some players just need to explain the scheme of the game and they will understand. Others do not need to say anything, but it is better to draw on the board. And the third ones need to be explained, drawn, and they still won’t understand until they run across the field themselves.”

Madden graduated as a teacher and, at 42, became the youngest coach to achieve 100 wins in a season. In practice, he was faced with the fact that some perceive information by ear (audials), others visually (visuals), and others physically (kinesthetics).

To effectively teach and communicate with subordinates, figure out their characteristic style of perception so that they hear you and be heard, see what you mean, and grasp what you want to convey to them. If you listen carefully and observe clients and subordinates, you will find that they use words that signal the most convenient way for them to assimilate information. Audials listen to sound and intonation. They are very sensitive to emotions expressed in voice. Visuals need to see the words or they won't understand you. Kinesthetic learners need to physically and emotionally feel what you are talking about, touch it and let it through them.

Watch for a few days to see what words betray your communication style. Also note how best sellers adapt to the style of communication of customers.

These skills are usually overlooked, but they have a positive effect on business contacts, resolve conflicts much faster and turn you into an effective manager.

Table. Basic Communication Styles

	Task Oriented	Human oriented
Indirect	Self-confident, decisive, willing to take risks, one-way communication, high level of achievement, talkative, gives orders	Persistent, Proactive, Negotiator, Outgoing, Dreamer, Big Thinker, Optimist, Reliable, Enthusiast
	Style: Likes clear, concise, specific memos, keeps time: “Don't take my time. When will you bring the report?"	Style: prefers open and friendly conversation, praise and encouragement: “A most interesting task and a great opportunity. We will do it".
	Needs: clear, concise, specific information	Needs: recognition, freedom of expression, problem solving
	Position: CEO, CEO, Board Member, President	Position: sales manager, PR
Straight	Risk-averse, thorough, sticks to the rules, realist, meticulous, precise, diplomatic, high standards, careful	Friendly, calm, good listener, attentive, sincere, team player, focused on one task
	Style: Prefers facts or non-personal questions: “Let's get the facts. Please let me know where this money went.	Style: Prefers friendly, warm, pleasant conversation: " Good morning. How are you? Can I help you?"
	Needs: Accuracy, organization, formal interaction	Needs: friendly, familiar environment, acceptance, attention to detail
	Position: accountant, engineer, system administrator, IT specialist	Position: HR manager, social worker, administrator

When communication within a couple is effective, it helps lovers to get closer faster and thereby strengthen their relationship, plunging into an atmosphere of complete mutual understanding. But in fact, few couples achieve complete understanding, because they make typical mistakes that hinder effective communication.

Avoiding conflict

Avoiding conflict is, of course, also a way to resolve conflict situations, but it should be used only as a temporary measure and preferably as rarely as possible.. Otherwise, discontent will grow, which will result in problems with communication and relationships in general. It is better to solve problems as they come, rather than postponing them for later.

Inability to accept criticism

There are people who do not know how to accept criticism in their address, and no, even constructive. But constructive criticism is helpful, it helps people improve, to become better, to grow above yourself. Be sure to learn to accept complaints and evaluate them objectively, and also ask family and friends for advice on how to get rid of your problem.

The habit of generalizing and exaggerating everything

As soon as something unpleasant happens, for example, a friend is late for a meeting, some people immediately exaggerate, saying: "You're always late". Or if someone could not keep a promise, he may hear in response: "You never keep your promises". This is a habit that prevents people from communicating effectively. Look at the world with a positive and do not judge a person by one of his actions.

The habit of thinking that only oneself is right

Arrogant people who always and everywhere consider only their own point of view to be correct, it is very difficult to communicate with other people. . Just because of their arrogance and excessive confidence that they are always right, although in reality they are often mistaken.

The habit of not listening to the interlocutor

It is very difficult to convey your idea to someone if he is thinking about something completely different, constantly distracted, cannot focus on the interlocutor who is trying to convey his thoughts to him. If you are constantly distracted, for example, thinking about what you will say when the interlocutor interrupts, you will not be able to properly think over his words, understand what he wanted. And the conversation will be empty and meaningless.

Rivalry

When controversial, difficult situations arise, many try to show themselves from the best side, and sometimes to the detriment of their acquaintances, relatives, friends.. They try to shield themselves, others are criticized for the lack of logic and everything else, but they are in no hurry to analyze the situation and build in logical chains. Rivalry interferes with effective communication, especially if we are talking about communication and relationships between family members or best friends.