Funny scenes are different with different plots - dramatic, humorous, artistic, etc. The plot for the scene can be chosen absolutely any - from own idea to an existing idea. You can write your own script for your own unique idea or plot. You can write a script for an already finished work, a film, a fairy tale, beat some story.
size>18 mar 2012
Let's imagine that we are planning to have a party. We will invite friends, acquaintances, relatives and friends to the holiday. In the morning we begin to prepare for the event: clean up and prepare chic treats. And now the guests have arrived, the table is set, and after ringing toasts and unpretentious conversations, it becomes a little boring. How to entertain guests? We can say for sure that everyone has had such situations. size>
10 mar 2012
Do you have a holiday soon? Looking for funny scenes? You want it to be fun, but you don't know how to prepare a holiday program, where to find skits. To prepare for a fun holiday event, people search the Internet for holiday materials. You can, of course, use some congratulations, but we suggest you look at our comic skits. We compose them ourselves especially for you and your upcoming holiday, and even holidays.
As you have already noticed, there are many scenes on the Internet, but they can be beaten and not funny. Therefore, we recommend watching only funny scenes, then the holiday will be fun. For those who do not understand what a scene is and why it is needed, we explain. A scene is a small performance (some number), in which you can attract guests, or perform alone. Guests can be dressed up in funny clothes, they can read some toasts, and just joke.
Here you will find only new scenes, and for any holiday event. I note the fact that the replenishment of the site with such materials is quite regular. Why do we try to compose them so often? And you remember how many holidays there are in a year, how many reasons for fun .. And these are: scenes for an anniversary, scenes-congratulations, by February 23, by March 8, children's and school scenes.
Dear friends, use our new funny scenes and you will not have failed holidays, as they greatly diversify your holiday program, and all guests will have fun.
size>08 june 2012
Scene for the Anniversary or for the birthday of a man “Childhood”
(Childhood runs out skipping - this is a man dressed up as a little boy and sings to the tune of a famous song about childhood):
My childhood stay
Don't rush, wait!
Give me a simple answer
What's ahead?!
Dear birthday boy!
The best remedy
Frighten off any misfortune -
This, of course, in childhood
We must fall immediately!
I will tell you emphatically:
You are forgiven today!
We read the continuation of the scene for the anniversary further
size>08 june 2012
(A man comes out - a participant in the scene, dressed in a scarf and an old colorful skirt with a jacket, he has a basket of drugs in his hands and he addresses the birthday man with the words):
Dear birthday boy!
Even though you look healthy
And he was in good health since childhood,
But still, darling, no offense
Accept these funds as a gift!
I am an expert in healing
And the healer's secret
I will open it to everyone on my birthday,
There are no more secrets!
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02 june 2012
Dear birthday girl, dear guests! You all probably heard the expression: “Well, why are you walking shaggy like a shishiga?! Comb your hair!” So, I hasten to please you: on the birthday of our birthday girl, just such a client arrived! Meet Shishiga, my friends!
(A participant in the scene dressed up as Shishiga comes out, it will be funnier if this is a large man dressed in women's dress and with very shaggy hair or a shaggy wig.
Shishiga sings to the motive of the song “Longing for the Motherland” from the Ph.D. "Seventeen Moments of Spring")
Continue reading this scene
size>27 May 2012
(two participants, dressed up in new Russian attendants, come out, dancing, and sing a verse to the tune of ditties):
We do not sow and we do not plow,
But we are not sitting idle!
On the anniversary we sing and dance,
Let's make birthday people laugh!
Matryona (speaking):
A flower, a flower! Why are you so wrinkled today, like a roll of toilet paper?
Flower:
Oh, don't talk, Matryona! I didn’t sleep all night, I kept thinking how it’s better for us to congratulate our birthday than to please him on such a day ?!
Continuation of a cool scene, read on
size>Humor has been and remains an integral part of human life. Moreover, he occupies far from the last place in it. This is part of the culture of society, taking its origins in the distant past. The need for irony and a mockingly condescending look at some things appeared even in tribal society. It was then that professional jesters appeared, able to find amusing and mock at the contradictions of the surrounding reality. Moreover, only they were allowed to laugh at absurdities and incidents.
Humor as the most important component of relaxation
Everyone is allowed to joke these days. The ability to see the comic is especially important these days - modern man it will be difficult if you do not perceive ridiculous and sometimes absurd circumstances with humor. Aside from its cultural value, this ability is widely welcomed by society and even approved by modern medicine, after all. It is safe to say that laughter prolongs life, and humor completely erases traces of stress, anxiety and fatigue from the face.
Scene as part of the holiday
Humor is an opportunity to turn even ordinary gatherings into a fun and useful pastime. This is especially true for a group of friends, which is impossible to imagine without jokes, practical jokes and laughter. In this regard, a humorous scene acts as a means and tool in achieving the main goal of the company - to relax and unwind. The performance can decorate any event and turn it into a holiday. They will be appropriate at corporate parties, anniversaries, New Year's meetings, graduations and weddings. The scene can be evaluative and satirical in nature, ridiculing absurd things, or simply humorously interpreting any phenomena. For this, all means are good - puns, exaggerations or understatements, parodies, double meanings or friendly banter.
Rules for a humorous scene
It doesn’t matter at all whether the humorous scene will follow the script or be played impromptu. The very essence is important - laughter, good mood and relaxed state of the public. For this, there are special techniques and rules:
- It's important not to overdo it! Irony should not be directed at the personalities of those present. Especially if a fable is taken as the basis of the scene - none of the participants should feel humiliated.
- funny humorous scenes will only benefit if they use the appropriate scenery, costumes and other small things. They set the tone and mood!
- The more participants will be involved in the skit, the more fun it will be.
- Cool humorous scenes should be dynamic, lively and emotional.
- Even if a humorous scene is planned according to a special program, it is still necessary to leave room for impromptu. The script should be flexible and ready for additions.
Scenes based on fairy tales
Of course, first of all cheerful company We need scenes that are funny and funny. Humorous scene scenarios are easy to write from fairy tales. All adults are former children, which means that you can safely use a popular fairy tale or fable, beat the introduction beautifully - and the production is ready. Fairy tales such as "Turnip", "Gingerbread Man", "The Wolf and the Seven Kids", "Teremok", "Sleeping Beauty", "Cinderella" and others are very interestingly played up. Much depends here on the acting skills of the participants and on the imagination of the audience. But it is unlikely that anyone will remain indifferent when, according to the fairy tale “Ivan Tsarevich and the Gray Wolf,” Ivan and his beloved princess saddle a horse and gallop to ask for the blessings of their parents.
Pantomimes and shifters
No less emotions will be evoked by a humorous scene in the form of pantomime and a fairy tale-shifter. There are no words in pantomime, but it is easy to show artistry, plasticity and emotionality in it. How many emotions a participant will evoke, trying to portray himself as a sad brownie Kuzya. And in changelings, some names are worth something - you still need to guess what kind of fairy tale we are talking about:
- "Silver Fox and 2 Giants" - "Snow White and 7 Dwarfs";
- "Slender mare" - "Humpbacked Horse";
- "Green Slipper" - "Little Red Riding Hood";
- "Cracker" - "Gingerbread Man";
- "Sprat in tomato" - "Goldfish";
- "Zharishche" - "Frost";
- "Rusty lock" - "Golden key", etc.
Scene example
It is welcome if the fairy tale is rewritten in new way. Example Scenario a humorous scene might look like this:
"Teremok"
Decoration in the form of a cardboard sheet with cut-out windows with shutters. Russian folk melodies and costumes:
- Leading - a belted shirt and a sign with the inscription "Sale" in his hands;
- Mouse - Mickey Mouse costume;
- Frog - a bright green jumpsuit and a bright umbrella;
- Hare - Stepashka's costume from "Good night, kids!";
- Chanterelle - Serduchka's outfit;
- Wolf - a gray suit and a hat with earflaps;
- Bear - felt boots and a fur coat.
The leader comes out first and tries to set up a sign:
And that the little house is empty in vain, who will pay taxes?
At this time, the Mouse appears:
Oh, homeless teremok!
The host notices the guest, gets scared and hides behind the stage. The mouse, not noticing the inscription, goes behind the scenery.
A frog appears, looks at the inscription:
I don’t know what “Salo” means, but I’m already interested!
He comes behind the scenery and appears in the window with the mouse. Mouse:
How did you get here?
So the door wasn't locked!
Well, if it was not locked ... stay alive.
Is this a women's hostel?
Will you be our tenant?
The hare agrees.
Fox runs after:
And let me in as a tenant!
One is enough for us! - answers the Mouse.
How about as a cleaner?
That's what I would have said right away!
The fox comes in and the hare is sent out to fetch water. He comes to the well and accidentally falls into it. A wolf comes out and notices hare ears:
Looks like someone's in trouble... - sniffing - and I think it's good for dinner!
He takes out a hare, he squeaks, and the wolf lets him go. The hare runs into the tower, the wolf follows him. Shouts of "Catch the bully!" are heard. When the noise subsides, a bear appears. Reads on the plate "And-po-te-ka":
Oh, here they will help me! - knocking.
A Mouse, a bear is shown from the window, shouting "Mouse!" hastily removed.
Well, actually I'm not alone here! - Mouse shouts after him.
Characters appear from behind the scenery as they appear, all in unison:
Now we will all live here and pay all contributions until retirement!
The above example is easy to adapt to any event, and most importantly, it can involve a large number of participants and give them the opportunity to dream up themselves.
It is necessary to develop artistry in kids from early childhood. Help with this short sketches. Funny for children, stories should be instructive and understandable, but at the same time bring up important character traits.
Fable - the basis for the script of the scene
It is known that the most instructive literary work is a fable. Only in this genre obligatory item worth the presence of morality - an important main conclusion from what has been said. Therefore, some scenes that are funny for children are often based on the plots of famous fables.
The works of Krylov Ivan Andreevich are accessible to the understanding of preschoolers. These are “Monkey and Glasses”, “Squirrel”, “Crow and Fox”, “Titmouse”, “Dragonfly and Ant”, “Quartet”, “Swan, Crayfish and Pike”.
Today there are many reworkings of famous fables in a new way. For example, at the end of the story of the fox and the crow, the cheese does not fall into the mouth of the cunning flatterer. The wise crow puts it in its paw and replies to the fox that "she knows how to sing, that's true, but it's not yet the time and place for a concert."
Ways of presenting fables on stage
Do not think that playing on stage is available only to adult children. If you approach the matter creatively, then you can cope with the forces of even very small ones.
There are four scenario options. Episodes that are funny for children, for example, can be played without the words of the author. Then the children pronounce only the words of the characters. The second option may be to read the words of the author to adults. Option three is suitable for older children, when the whole fable is a role-play reading with a demonstration of the actions of the plot. But very young ones can become artists, even without being able to speak properly. Then the whole text is read by an adult, and the kids pantomime depict the plot in front of the audience.
Tale and irony - twin sisters
It is unlikely that someone did not like to listen to fairy tales in childhood. Many short works of this genre can be easily turned into ironic skits. Funny scenarios for children are obtained from the fairy tales “Stupid Hans” by Andersen, “Hedgehogs are laughing” and “ Brave tailors» Korney Chukovsky, as well as others. Short stories told by the wonderful poet Chukovsky can easily turn into fun and funny scenes for kindergarten.
A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it!
Sometimes it can be difficult to choose a story to dramatize. And if you play the fairy tale “How the hare became the ruler of the jungle” about how the oblique deceived a huge lion, inviting him to fight with a more powerful rival?
The meaning of the story is that the king of beasts was strong, but stupid. The hare was supposed to come to him for dinner according to the law, which was established in the jungle by a cruel lion lord. But the oblique turned out to be quick-witted. He aroused in the cruel glutton anger at the one who is stronger than him. Mistaking his reflection in the river for an opponent, he threw himself into the water and drowned.
Knowledge is power and laughter is a weapon against evil
You can change the ending of the story. Let our lion not drown in the river, but become a universal laughing stock. All the animals gathered on the river bank will ridicule the stupid beast. And the one whom everyone laughs at can no longer be the main one, who needs to be feared and obeyed. Knowledge and ingenuity are sometimes more important than strength and cruelty - this is the moral of this instructive story.
Any number of actors can take part in such a performance. You can diversify the action with a small concert, with which the animals decide to please their bunny friend. Then the presentation will contain several performances. These will be children's skits, funny, short, in which the actors will present the animals and their relationships.
Fairy tales in a new way
Children love to act out funny mini-sketches. It is possible to offer for these purposes well-known fairy tales, rewritten in a new way. And it is especially funny when heroes of different works meet in one story.
For example, it is easy to remake the famous story about "Kolobok", supplementing it with the fairy tale "Ryaba the Hen". Kids really like such confusions, they laugh, seeing that the usual characters do not act the way they always do, and get into ridiculous situations.
“Grandfather and grandmother lived in the same village, they had a chicken named Ryaba. Here, a chicken laid an egg, but not a simple one, but ... from dough! And the testicle has eyes, a nose, a mouth. "Who are you? What is your name?" - asked the grandmother. “I am Gingerbread Man - a ruddy side, rich like a cake, sweet like ice cream! And now you are my grandparents, you must love and pamper me! Grandfather and grandmother were delighted, they rushed to pamper Kolobok. They offer him all sorts of delicious things: yoghurts and lollipops, juices and fruits. But Kolobok refuses everything, wants to go for a walk in the forest. “You, granddaughters, cannot ride through the forest, there a cunning fox will catch you and eat you!” his grandfather warns. "I myself with a mustache!" - answered Kolobok and rolled away.
He rolls, rolls, and a fox meets him. "Who are you?" she asks Kolobok. And he will tell her: “I was born from a chicken, her son, that means!” The fox was surprised, she had never seen such a chicken. And I thought it was some kind of abnormal chicken, inedible. And he contrived, jumped on the fox's back and, well, drive her, to direct the old man and the old woman to the house!
Grandfather and grandmother are sitting, grieving: “Our granddaughter has disappeared, the fox will eat him!” And the hen Ryaba consoles them: “Don’t cry, my dears, I’ll lay another egg for you, not from dough, but normal!” Only the grandfather and grandmother do not want normal, they want to see their Kolobok - they already fell in love with him. And they began to cry bitterly about him.
And then suddenly they hear - someone is jumping in the yard. They looked out and laughed: Kolobok riding a fox! Here's a killer!
They caught the redhead by the tail and put her on a chain in the yard: “You will guard the house instead of a dog. Stop hurting defenseless little animals in the forest!”
Short scenes for the camp
Vanya Palkin is sitting in front of the aquarium in a living corner. He lowered the fishing rod into it and begged the goldfish: “Little fish, make me the strongest in the camp so that I can knock down Petka Samokhin with one blow! And also make me the most beautiful so that Lyuska Morozova falls in love with me without memory! And I also want to become the smartest, so that I can defeat everyone at the What, Where, When Olympiad! The head of the camp passes by. He saw such a disgrace and said: “Vanya, get away from the fish! She is not magical, but ordinary! And then the fish gives a voice: “That's it, I've been telling him about this for 2 hours, but he doesn't understand anything! They read, damn it, Pushkin, there is no peace from them ... "
To play funny mini-scenes, you can use the plots of the Yeralash newsreel. Funny interludes will delight both the audience and the performers themselves.
An unforgettable gift - a scene for a birthday boy
How nice it is when, in addition to the traditional offering, guests play funny birthday scenes! You can improvise. This presentation does not require preparation.
In order for the improvised ones to be successful, it is enough to prepare the words for each character in advance, print them on paper. It is also a good idea to pick up accessories for outfits: scarves, glasses, hats, umbrellas, galoshes, masks, false beards, mustaches, wigs.
Just with a bang, the staging of the fairy tale "Turnip" is going on. Here the main role is played by the words of the characters. Participants in improvisation will, by condition, be required to pronounce their phrase immediately after the words of the author, if he names the hero.
You can come up with cool words for each actor. For example, a grandfather will say: “Oh, if it weren’t for the Internet, your grandfather would be a sprinter!” Grandma can be given the words: “Botox, fitness and lipstick - what else do you need for a grandmother?” The granddaughter will constantly repeat: “Thicker turnips - we can earn more money!” and so on. Certain funny gestures should accompany the words: let the grandfather hold on to his lower back and limp, holding the headphones from the player in his ears and twitching slightly to the music, the grandmother makes eyes and coquettishly straightens her scarf, and the granddaughter shows with her hands a “thick turnip” in a figurative sense, that is huge cheeks.
What is a holiday at school without an interlude?
Usually all festive events in educational institutions accompanied by an amateur concert. And funny school scenes occupy almost the main place in it.
Plots for these interludes can be taken from the works of Viktor Dragunsky. For example, from the stories about the boys Denis and Mishka, wonderful children's scenes are obtained. Funny short stories about the Misipisi River or about the fictional exploits of friends saving children from fire and ice are still relevant to this day, so the audience always likes them.
It’s good if there are talented teenagers among schoolchildren who can write a script for a scene on their own, displaying in the plot some kind of incident that happened in reality. Of course, the names of the actors should be hidden, but the event itself can be displayed. It will be very relevant and interesting. By the way, school-themed interludes can be used as funny scenes for the camp, because even during the holidays, the guys remember about their studies.
At entertainment events, in educational institutions, funny skits for schoolchildren are most liked by the audience. The need to stage such skits may arise at the school KVN, class hour or competitions for showing numbers amateur performances. About whom is it said in the script for schoolchildren? Of course, about exactly the same students, losers, excellent students, teachers, class teacher.
Surely schoolchildren themselves will be interested in staging a couple of such scenes. It's very easy to play yourself.
Scenario of a funny scene about schoolchildren "Losers"
This scene contains an instructive story for schoolchildren about the importance of doing homework. Several schoolchildren of junior or middle classes participate in a funny production. They play the following roles: Kolya Petechkin - a loser and a bully, Sasha Gavrilov - his bosom friend, Vitya Melnikov - an excellent student, two schoolgirls.
Props for the scene: a school desk with chairs, a wooden board, large fake buttons.
So, there is a desk on the stage. Two girls run out. Kolya Petechkin, chasing them, jumps out behind them with a plastic tube in his hands.
Girl 1 (shouting):
Stop it, Petechkin!
Girl 2:
Petechkin, stop it! Who are they talking to!
They are trying to hide from Petechkin behind a desk.
Petechkin (selflessly spits papers through a straw):
And I will spit! And I will spit! La-la-la! How fun I am!
Girl 1:
It is necessary to do informatics, and not to misbehave.
Girl 2:
Otherwise, Kolya, today they will ask you at a computer science lesson, and you will get a deuce!
(Both schoolgirls run away.)
Petechkin (stops spitting):
computer science? That's right, the teacher promised to call me... What should I do? Oh, I'll try to get help from a friend! (Calls.) Sasha! Gavrilov!
(Sasha Gavrilov exits.)
Gavrilov:
What do you want, Kolya?
Petechkin:
I need to write off someone's computer science. Maybe you can help a friend out?
Gavrilov:
I'd love to help you, but you know what the secret is: I didn't make it myself.
Petechkin:
Eh, problem! How can it be, huh?
Gavrilov:
Do you know what?
Petechkin:
What?
Gavrilov:
You sleep with Melnikov.
Petechkin:
He won't.
Gavrilov:
And you somehow manage...
(Vitya Melnikov appears with a notebook. He has an exemplary appearance, he wears glasses.)
Petechkin:
ABOUT! Melnikov! (Echidno.) Excellent student!
Melnikov:
Kolya Petechkin, loser and truant! Gerasim, why did you drown Mu-Mu?
Petechkin:
I am not Gerasim, I am Nikolai.
Melnikov (singing with expression to the tune of the melody from the movie "The Godfather"):
Why did Gerasim drown his Mu-Mu? She lay, did not interfere with anyone! (Proudly leaves.)
Petechkin (following the departed Melnikov):
Oh, are you teasing? Well, here I will teach you. You will give me computer science to write off, and all my life ...
Gavrilov (rubbing his hands):
Will it work for drugs?
Petechkin:
No! Will be afraid of me! (Brings a piece of wide wooden board out of the wings.) This board will help me deceive him. Only you, Sanya, should help me in this matter.
Gavrilov:
Okay, what should I do?
Petechkin:
Confirm everything I say. (Puts the board under the sweater, presses it to his chest. Shouts backstage.) Hey, Melnikov! Come here! Melnikov! I'm telling you! Come for a minute.
(Vitya Melnikov exits.)
Melnikov (proudly):
What do you want, Petechkin?
Petechkin:
That's what, Victor, I have business with you.
Melnikov:
What business can you have with me?
Petechkin:
The most friendly. Save it, huh? Don't let the man fall. Allow me to write off computer science.
Melnikov:
Aaah, that's what you're talking about. Do not even hope.
Petechkin (solemn bass):
Victor, then prepare to die! I am not Kolya Petechkin, but you know who I am? You know? I am the Terminator!
Melnikov (disparagingly):
What? You're completely crazy, right?
Petechkin (pompously):
No. I just came from the future, from 2069. And I came with Miss...
Melnikov:
What miss?
Petechkin (in a whisper):
Not with a miss, but with a mission. (Kolya recovers and continues imperturbably.) Yes, I have come with a mission.
Melnikov (shyly):
From what?
Petechkin:
I have to destroy you, since you know computer science well. And in many years you will know her so well that you will write a computer virus that will destroy all computers on the planet...
Melnikov (stuttering with fear):
But I can't write viruses...
Petechkin:
Learn in the future. And no one will be able to handle him, because you will program him high artificial intelligence. And no one will be able to unravel the algorithm of its action, because you don’t let anyone write off. Therefore, no one can fight him.
In general, "asta la vista, baby"!
(Pretends to pull the trigger of the machine gun and assumes a belligerent stance.)
Melnikov (cringes):
Oh no! Spare me. I have a mother and a little brother...
Petechkin (threateningly):
Spare?
Gavrilov (questioningly):
Can we spare?
Melnikov:
And I want to ask, how do you feel, feeling like a Terminator?
Petechkin:
Strength and power throughout the body. (Offering.) Here, hit me in the chest ...
Melnikov (hitting a board hidden under a sweater):
Oh! (grimaces in pain) You're like bulletproof! Why do you have bad grades in physical education?
Petechkin:
I'm pretending.
Melnikov:
Well, do you see how, somehow in a special way?
Petechkin:
I can see well, even in the dark. Here, ask me any question.
Melnikov:
Well, let's say... (Thinking.) How are you?
Petechkin (pretends, shakes his head):
And before my eyes, as in the monitor of an invisible computer, several answers appear at once. The first option - "the fool himself", the second (reads a sarcastic rhyme) - "How are you, how are you, I laid a testicle!" The third is "none of your business."
Melnikov:
And which one will you choose?
Petechkin (solemnly):
I'm a fool!
Melnikov (offended):
Petechkin, why did you call me names?
Petechkin:
And in the future you will call me a fool, so I already answered you. That's how invulnerable I am.
Gavrilov:
So you, Melnikov, will you let me write off? And then the Terminator will destroy you.
Petechkin (fiercely):
"Asta la vista, baby!"
Melnikov:
Don't, don't ruin it! I'll give you computer science to write off.
Gavrilov:
And math. These sciences are interconnected...
Petechkin:
OK?
Melnikov (saluting):
That's right, Comrade Terminator.
(Petechkin swings his fists in front of Melnikov's nose, showing off his muscles. Girls appear behind them. They put buttons on the chair.)
Girl 1 (to the audience):
Petechkin spat at the papers. So we will take revenge on him.
Girl 2:
Here we are teaching him! Let's put buttons on his chair. Let him sit! (Both girls run away.)
Petechkin:
Now I'm going to sit on a chair! (He flops down on a chair, immediately jumps up and yells.) Ah!
Girls :
Haha! That's what you need, a little chocolate! (They run away).
Melnikov:
So you're not iron? (Takes out a plank from Kolya, from behind his bosom.) Oh, there you are! I won't write off! We need to do our own lessons! (Exits.)
Gavrilov:
Oh, Kolya, next time we'll have to do our homework ourselves.
Funny scene for schoolchildren "At the classroom"
Classroom is the perfect place to stage this funny scene for schoolchildren. Moreover, the class teacher can personally participate in it, but any student can play his role.
Actors according to the scenario: class teacher (KR); Alekseeva and Fedotova - glamorous blondes, laughing schoolgirls; Semenov is a typical excellent student, a bore; Nikitin and Vovan are stupid schoolboys-hooligans; Samoilova is a lax, candy-on-a-stick, always late student.
The scene begins. The class teacher enters the classroom.
KR :
Yes, yes, let's go. (Everyone enters except Samoilova.) What, and that's it?
Alekseeva:
What are you, of course not! (Samoilova enters.) That's all!
KR :
And this is from the whole class? Where are the other 18 people? Can anyone explain where everyone is?
Semenov:
Well, if you take into account the address of everyone, walking speed, terrain and force majeure, then 47% are already at home, and another 53% are on the road.
KR :
Yes, it is clear to the physical education teacher that they left, the question is why did they leave?
Semenov:
Well, given the nature of the majority, the number of lessons today and force majeure, then 100% scored for the classroom hour.
KR :
Okay, Semenov, Alekseeva, Fedotova - this is understandable, decent students, but why did you Nikitin come? And he brought a friend with him.
Semenov:
Well, considering...
KR :
Semenov, shut up!
Semenov:
No, I just wanted to say that in no case should ...
KR :
So, Semyonov, here's a little book for you, read it, take notes. So, Nikitin, what are you doing here?
Nikitin:
And Vovan and I just cut off the light, you can’t play on the computer, you can’t watch TV, so we came from idleness.
Vovan:
And I'm really interested in cool problems.
KR :
Well, Nikitin, you're seriously unlucky that your lights were turned off! Tell me, why, did you check the fire extinguisher in the toilet on Thursday?
Nikitin:
Well, we were told that in the event of a fire, we must immediately extinguish it with a fire extinguisher.
Vovan:
Yes, it needs to be fired up right away.
KR :
So where did you get that something is on fire?!
Nikitin:
Well, it smelled like smoke.
Vovan:
Yes, it smelled.
CR (shouting):
Like you don't know what kind of smoke our toilet smells like!
Nikitin:
Are you talking about this? No, if someone wanted to do this, they would call me.
Vovan:
Yes, they would invite him.
CR (after waiting):
All clear. I have no complaints about you, Vova, only a question for Nikitin, what is he doing on our class hour a student from another class at another school?
Nikitin:
And, as I said, our electricity was cut off, and Vovan has nothing to do either, so I took him to have fun, friends need to help.
KR :
Have fun! Well, the students went. Now to other others. Samoilova, not bad. There are no deuces, no triples, no fours either ... there are no marks at all! Samoilova, when will you start going to school. What are you up to this time?
Samoilov:
According to the encyclopedia of diseases, I reached the letter "G". I have a headache.
KR :
I would say that you have an inflammation of cunning, but this, as Nikitin says, is a button accordion!
(Class applauds.)
Fedotov:
You still have to learn "IMHO" and Preved Medved and everything will be in chocolate.
Semenov:
I've read it, I've taken notes, and, you know, I think that given...
KR :
You don’t have to take anything into account, you should generally try to teach less, answer, give the floor to other students ...
Semenov:
Yes, but this is from one point of view, here psychology says that ...
KR :
There is only one way out. On Semyonov, read another little book, take notes.
So, let's hurry, we only have 15 minutes before Semyonov finishes reading, we must hurry.
Alekseev and Fedotov also received complaints against you! You talk in every class!
Alekseeva:
Yes, we are on topic.
Fedotov:
Yes, on topic. (Giggle.)
KR :
And laugh in class.
Alekseeva:
Yes you!
Fedotov:
No way (Giggle.)
KR :
Draw in your notebook!
Alekseeva:
Well, as long as it's a drawing book (And they both burst out laughing. Everyone looks puzzled, like "What are you laughing at?")
KR :
(Coughing, indicating that it's time for them to stop) Actually, in a chemistry notebook.
Alekseva:
(Scratches the back of his head, thinking that he would lie.) So these are the drawings.
Fedotov:
Yes, okay, what is there to hide, the chemist is such a darling, he allows us to. (Laughing again.)
KR :
Okay, there is little time left, Semyonov is already finishing reading, so tell me, who will make the wall newspaper?
(Silence.)
KR :
I think Nikitin is with his friend.
Nikitin:
Why are we?
KR :
Well, so you cut out the light, so you have nothing to do.
Vovan:
And I'm from a different school.
KR :
Never mind. You said yourself that you are interested in cool problems. Plus, you need to help your friends. Whatman in the closet. I'll go, and calm Semenov yourself.
It won’t take much time to prepare these funny scenes for schoolchildren. Words are learned very easily, and in some places you can even improvise. By the way, such humorous scenes are well suited for summer camp. Before lights out, you can have fun and remember your studies at school.
See also funny poems about school for children. The advantages of our funny scenes are that they do not require costumes, there is no need to memorize large texts (and the one who plays the role of a teacher can use a printout that can be put in a magazine), they need to be rehearsed for a short time. At the same time, these scenes are close to the students. They will be able to laugh at their mistakes, looking at themselves from the outside. Humor, jokes, funny scenes for children about school are well suited for KVN. See also School Humor.
1. Scene "At the lessons of the Russian language"
Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever goes to answer first will get a point higher.
Disciple Ivanov (pulls out his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I'll be the first, give me three at once!
Teacher: Your composition about a dog, Petrov, word for word is similar to Ivanov's composition!
Disciple Petrov: Mary Ivanna, so Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all!
Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why is it not finished?
Student Sidorov: But because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, confess, who wrote the essay for you?
Pupil Koshkin: I don't know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to me tomorrow!
Student Klevtsov: Grandpa? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.
Teacher: What kind of word is "egg", Sinichkin?
Student Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why?
Student Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.
Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.
Disciple Petushkov: “Table”, “chair” and “sock” are masculine, and “stocking” is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Disciple Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the blackboard, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates, and the student writes: "Dad went to the garage."
Teacher: Ready? We listen to you.
Student Smirnov: Dad - subject, left - predicate, in the garage - ... pretext.
Teacher: Who guys can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Tyulkin's student holds out her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Tyulkin's student: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.
Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral "three".
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a knitwear factory.
Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the blackboard, write down the sentence.
Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates: The guys caught butterflies with nets.
Student Rubashkin writes: The guys caught butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Student Rubashkin: And what?
Teacher: Where did you see bespectacled butterflies?
Teacher: Bags, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?
Pupil Meshkov, getting up, is silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!
Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, give me your example now.
Pupil Petushkov: A cat is a dog.
Teacher: And what about "cat - dog"?
Disciple Petushkov: Well, how? They are opposite and often fight among themselves.
Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?
Disciple Sidorov: It's a pity to waste time at a break!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother got sick.
Teacher: What about you?
Student Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Student Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a proposal with an appeal.
Sushkin's student: Mary Ivanna, call!
2. Scene "Correct answer"
Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: And what to share, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is that?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn't he owe you a plum?
Student: No, you shouldn't plum.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don't like plums.
Teacher: Wrong again.
Student: How much is correct?
Teacher: And now I will put the correct answer in your diary!
(I. Butman)
3. Scene "Our cases"
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
The student goes to the blackboard and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then he promised to improve.”
The student writes from dictation on the blackboard.
Teacher: Great! Underline all the nouns in your story.
The student underlines the words: “dad”, “mother”, “Vova”, “behavior”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Decide what case these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Start!
Student: Mom and Dad. Who? What? Parents. So, the case is genitive.
Scolded whom, what? Vova. "Vova" is a name. So the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. So, here “Vova” has an accusative case.
Well, the “promise”, of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest to give yourself?
Student: What? Of course, five!
Teacher: So five? By the way, in what case did you call this word “five”?
Student: Prepositional!
Teacher: In a prepositional? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
(according to L. Kaminsky)
4. Scene "At the lessons of mathematics"
Characters: teacher and students of the class
Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I have no idea who you can become?
Disciple Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!
Teacher: Trushkin is coming to the board to solve the problem.
Student Trushkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the condition of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Disciple Trushkin goes to the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you?!
Disciple Trushkin: I ran home, there are sweets!
Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your yesterday's deuce in it.
Disciple Petrov: I don't have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Disciple Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare my parents!
Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Disciple Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don't know math!
Disciple Vasechkin: No, you don't know my brother!
Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, how much is three times seven?
Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will only answer your question in the presence of my lawyer!
Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: Mom doesn't have free time!
Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 on your own.
The students get to work.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentiev?
Disciple Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he is copying me, and I'm just checking whether he did it right!
Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.
Shcherbinin's student: This is a mathematical Greek.
5. Scene "At the lessons of natural history"
Characters: teacher and students of the class
Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Student Petrov raises his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov.
Disciple Petrov: A tiger, a tigress and... three cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Kosichkin's student: These are the kind of forests in which ... it's good to take a nap.
Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Simakov's student: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, please answer us, what benefits do birds and animals bring to a person?
Student Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.
Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Apprentice Roosters: "Frog Traveler"
Teacher: Who will answer how the sea differs from the river? Please, Mishkin.
Disciple Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.
Student Zaitsev holds out his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?
Disciple Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from monkeys?
Teacher: True.
Disciple Zaitsev: That's what I see: there are so few monkeys!
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it entirely depends on the cat.
Teacher: Go to the blackboard ... Meshkov and tell us about the crocodile.
Student Meshkov (going to the blackboard): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head - seven meters.
Teacher: Think what you are saying! Is it possible?
Student Meshkov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!
Teacher: Khomyakov, answer me, why do people need a nervous system?
Disciple Khomyakov: To be nervous.
Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Student Sinichkin: Because I'm terribly worried that the bell will interrupt the amazingly interesting lesson.
Teacher: Guys, who will answer where the bird flies with a straw in its beak?
Student Belkov raises his hand above all.
Teacher: Try, Belkov.
Student Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Teplyakova, what teeth appear last in a person?
Teplyakov's student: Plug-in, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately put a five with a plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”
Student Klyushkin raises his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.
Disciple Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!
6. Scene "Folder under the arm"
Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took a folder by mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrew: Ha-ha-ha! Indeed, it's funny.
Vovka (surprised): What's so funny? I haven't started talking yet.
Andrey (laughing): Folder... under the arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder under the arm and will not fit, he's not a cat!
Vovka: Why "my folder"? Folder - daddy. You forgot how to speak correctly from laughter, or what?
Andrei: (winking and pounding his forehead): Ah, I guessed! Grandfather - under the arm! He speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great you came up with it - funny and with a riddle!
Vova (offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. You didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh, you interfere with speaking. Yes, even dragged my grandfather, put him under his arm, what a storyteller was found! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrei (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't even laugh?
(I. Semerenko)
7. Scene "3=7 and 2=5"
Teacher: Well, Petrov? What am I to do with you?
Petrov: And what?
Teacher: All year you did nothing, did not study anything. I don't know exactly what to put in the statement.
Petrov (looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, scientific work was doing.
Teacher: What are you? What?
Petrov: I decided that all of our mathematics is wrong and ... I proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It's not my fault that Pythagoras was mistaken and this ... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he, too, After all, they said that three is only three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov (solemnly): That's not true! I proved that three equals seven!
Teacher: How is it?
Petrov: Look, 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 = 0 - also true. So 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Yep! So, Petrov, survived.
Petrov: I didn't want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But against science ... you can't sin!
Teacher: Understood. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5 (4-4) \u003d 2 (4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: That's it, Petrov, I give you a "2"!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: Don't be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both parts of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. So did you do it?
Petrov: Well, let's say.
Teacher: So I put "2", it doesn't matter. A?
Petrov: No, it's not all the same, Ivan Ivanovich, "5" is better.
Teacher: Perhaps better, Petrov, but until you prove it, you will have a deuce in a year, equal, in your opinion, to a five!
Guys, help Petrov.
(Newspaper " Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)
8. Scene "Schoolboy and seller"
Characters: a schoolboy and a shop assistant
Sales assistant: What do you suggest?
Schoolchild: The years of the reign of Nicholas II?
Sales assistant: I don't know.
Schoolchild: Okay ... Pythagorean theorem?
Sales Assistant: … (shrugs)
Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?
Sales Assistant: (sighing) I don't know...
Schoolboy: Well, what are you climbing then with your “What can I tell you?”!!!
(KVN team from Ryazan)
9. Scene "Schoolchildren at the stadium"
Characters: schoolchildren and stadium informant
A group of young fans led by a leader loudly chant:
"SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!" "SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!"
Suddenly, the voice of the stadium informant turns on:
Informant's voice: Attention young fans! (young fans stop chanting)
Your history teacher is at the match!
Young fans start chanting:
"SPA RTAK IS A ROMAN SLAVE!" "SPA RTAK IS A ROMAN SLAVE!"
(KVN team from Ryazan)
10. Scene "Unnecessary words, or Cool Dnieper in cool weather"
Characters: a cultured adult and a modern schoolboy Vanya Sidorov
Hello Vanya.
- Hello.
- Well, tell me, Vanya, how are you?
- Wu, the deeds of might.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Cool, I say, one wick blew such a thing. Rides to the sket. Give, he says, great to drive. Sat down and scratched. And here is the teacher. And he let's show off. Broke the mitten. Yes, how shaky. Himself with a black eye. The teacher almost went off the rails, but the bike hooted. In rzhachka. Cool, right?
- And what, there was a horse?
- What horse?
- Well, who was neighing. Or I didn't understand anything.
- Nu, nothing you not understood?
- Come on, let's start over.
- Well, let's. So one wick...
- Without a candle?
- Without.
- And what is this wick?
- Well, one guy, long, rolled up to the box ...
- What did he ride, on a bicycle?
- No, the child had a bicycle.
- Which sket?
- Well, shibzdik one. Yes, you know him, he walks around here with such a schnobel.
- With whom, with whom?
- Yes, not with whom, but with what, his nose is in the form of a schnobel. Well, let's go, he says, it's great to drive. Sat down and scratched.
- Did he itch something?
- No, he drank.
- Well, how did you cut it?
- What did you cut?
- Well, is it big?
- How?
- Well, this same, schnobel?
- No, the little girl had a schnobel. And the wick had a black eye, a bzig struck him in the head, and he began to roam. He opened his mitten, so he twitched.
- And why the mitten, did he twitch in the winter?
- Yes, there was no winter there, there was a teacher.
- Teacher, you mean.
- Well, yes, with a black eye, that is, with a great one, no, with coils. But the very rolling, that great whooped.
- How did you goof off?
- Well, covered up. into small pieces. Now understand?
- Understood. I realized that you do not know Russian at all.
- I don't know how!
- Can you imagine if everyone spoke the way you do, what would happen?
- What?
Do you remember Gogol's? "Wonderful is the Dnieper in calm weather, when it freely and smoothly rushes through forests and mountains full of its waters, it will not rustle or thunder. You look and do not know whether its majestic width is going or not going" and further " rare bird will fly to the middle of the Dnieper.
- I remember.
- Now listen to how it sounds in your bzik language: "Cool Dnieper in cool weather, when, roaming and showing off, it saws its cool waves through forests and mountains. you don't know if he saws or doesn't saw. A rare bird with a schnobel combs up to the middle of the Dnieper. Do you like?
- I like it, - he said and ran, shouting: "Cool Dnieper in cool weather."
(Lion Izmailov)
11. A young man in a nightclub
Characters: girl, young man, mother
A girl is sitting at the bar. A young man approaches her.
Young man: Hey babe! Are you bored?
GIRL: Yes, there are some.
YOUNG MAN: Can you come with me? I will arrange an unforgettable evening for you!
GIRL: Sounds. But my mother is waiting for me at 23-00 at home.
YOUNG MAN: Is mom waiting? Drop it! What are you, 10 years old? Do you go on dates with your mom? Ha!
Suddenly, a young man's hand confidently takes by the ear. Everyone sees that this is the hand of an aged woman.
YOUNG MAN: Mom? What are you doing here?
MOM: What are you doing here?
YOUNG MAN: Well, Mom! I…
MOM: I don't want to hear! March home!
YOUNG MAN: (to girl) Baby, I'll call you back!
MOM: Home!
(KVN team from Ryazan)
12. Radiologist's office
Characters: grandmother, boy, radiologist
Radiologist's office: X-ray machine, table, chair. The doctor is sitting at the table.
A little boy and a grandmother enter the office.
GRANDMA (pointing to the boy). I've looked all over, there are no points anywhere. I think he swallowed them. All in his grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST (referring to the boy). Have you swallowed granny's glasses?
The boy does not answer.
GRANDMOTHER. Partisan! All in his grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST. Are you silent? But now we will enlighten you through and through and find out everything.
GRANDMA (happily). Yep, got it! Would love to have something like this at home.
RADIOLOGIST (examines the picture). Well, well, well ... You know ... he has here not only glasses, but also a wallet with money. I can’t say for sure, but somewhere around three hundred rubles.
GRANDMOTHER. It's not ours, we don't need someone else's. The main thing for me is to get glasses, I can’t watch TV without them.
RADIOLOGIST. We'll get it now.
The radiologist approaches the boy, picks him up by his legs and shakes him. Glasses and wallet fall to the floor.
GRANDMA (grabbing glasses). Thank you very much, doctor. I don't even know how to thank you. Let me kiss you!
RADIOLOGIST (twirls the wallet in his hands). No need. But the wallet, if possible, I will leave myself as a keepsake.
GRANDMOTHER. It's not ours, not ours, we don't need someone else's.
Grandmother and grandson leave the office.
RADIOLOGIST (loudly). Next!
(A. Givargizov)
Characters:
Father: Serpent Gorynych
Head teacher: Baba Yaga
Math teacher: Leshy
Geography teacher: Kikimora
Botany Teacher: Witch
Class teacher: Water
ZMEY GORYNYCH (flies into the teacher's room):
... Yes, I told him a hundred times! ..
So what did he do again?
LESHIY:
Multiply a minus with a sine -
Got a minus one!
KIKIMORA:
Confused albinos
With albatrosses...
WITCH:
Threw apricots...
KIKIMORA:
Blowing soap bubbles!
LESHIY:
On a bet
Swallowed the call!
KIKIMORA:
Yawned the whole lesson
And infected everyone with a yawn!
WATER:
But yesterday
dragged to class
Behemoth!!!
LESHIY:
With this nasty boy
There is no sweetness!
BABA YAGA (unctuous):
Maybe give him poison?
Or throw it to the wolves?
AM -
And there is no bad student!
KIKIMORA:
Don't get excited, dear Yaga.
In our age
Such measures are outdated.
LESHIY:
A hundred years ago
We would have it
Certainly,
Ate...
But now
We have
Not many students
In reserve...
WATER:
Agree!
Let's not run
To extreme measures.
WITCH:
Let's try to get him
Good example.
ZMEY GORYNYCH (confused):
Mmmm... Less, more...
That is, more or less!
And yet...
WITCH (interrupts):
A...
Understand!
Your example doesn't work...
But boy
Doesn't want to study at all!
BABA YAGA:
Oh, how much trouble with children! ..
DRAGON:
Lock him in the closet - let him learn lessons!
And if he doesn't stop yawning...
ALL IN CHOIR:
We will turn it
In chewing gum
And we will
SLOWLY
Chew!
(E. Lipatova)
14. Daily routine
Characters:
Schoolboy Vova
Schoolboy Petya
PETER:
- And you, Vova, do you know what a regime is?
VOVA:
- Certainly! Regime… Regime is where I want, I jump there.
PETER:
- Wrong! Routine is the order of the day. Are you doing it?
VOVA:
- I even overfulfill it.
PETER:
- Like this?
VOVA:
- According to the schedule, I need to walk twice a day, and I walk four!
PETER:
- No, you are not overfulfilling it, but breaking it! Do you know what the daily routine should be?
VOVA:
- I know! Climb. Charger. Washing. Bed cleaning. Breakfast. School. Dinner. Walk. Prep. Walk.
PETER:
- Fine.
VOVA:
- And it can be even better.
PETER:
- How is it?
VOVA:
- Like this! Climb. Breakfast. Walk. Lunch. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Tea. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Dream.
PETER:
- Oh no. In this mode, you will turn out to be a lazy and ignoramus.
VOVA:
- Will not work.
PETER:
- Why?
VOVA:
- Because with my grandmother we carry out the whole regimen.
PETER:
- How is it with your grandmother?
VOVA:
- And so. Half of it is done by me, and half by my grandmother. And together it turns out the whole regime.
PETER:
- I don't understand!
VOVA:
- Very simple. I do the lifting. Charging is performed by the grandmother. Washing is a grandmother. Bed cleaning - grandmother. Breakfast is me. Walk - me. Cooking lessons - my grandmother and I. Walk - me. Lunch is me.
PETER:
- Aren't you ashamed?! Now I understand why you are so undisciplined.
https://website/smeshnye-scenki-dlya-detej/
15. About Pushkin
Two duelists stand opposite each other. One of them is Pushkin.
Second: Come on!
Pushkin and his opponent raise their pistols. Approach barriers. Pushkin's opponent makes a shot. Pushkin is wounded. The enemy approaches the wounded Pushkin.
Pushkin: For what?
Pushkin's opponent: Bastard! Because of you, they left me for the second year in literature !!!
16. School riddles
Characters: Schoolboy, his friend - Vovka Sidorov
SCHOOLCHILD (addressing confidentially to the audience, pointing to a friend standing nearby):
And Vovka Sidorov from our class is slow-witted! Here I came across interesting riddles about school affairs, and riddles should be in rhyme. Of course, I guessed everything right away, and then I decided to test Vovka for quick wits.
SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
Here, guess the riddle in rhyme: “Between two calls, the term is called ...”
VOVKA SIDOROV (instantly):
Turn!
SCHOOLBOY:
Well, that's right, "change" is suitable, but there should be a guess in rhyme!
VOVKA SIDOROV (offended):
Yeah, he himself said that it was right, and then you start ...
SCHOOLBOY:
Okay, let me give you another riddle, just think before you say the answer. “The athlete told us: Everyone go to the sports ...”
VOVKA SIDOROV (shouts):
Shop!
SCHOOLBOY:
Which store? For what? Where did you see him?
VOVKA SIDOROV:
What do you mean why? I need to buy new sneakers, otherwise the sole of mine is already lagging behind on my left foot. And the Sporting Goods store is right in front of the school. You, too, have seen him a hundred times.
SCHOOLBOY (to the side of the hall):
Well, what can you prove to him here!
SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
Can you solve this riddle in rhyme? “Schools are not simple buildings, schools get…”
VOVKA SIDOROV:
Over the head! Yesterday, I almost didn’t touch the bow at Lenka Petrova’s, and she bang-bang me with a book on the head.
SCHOOLBOY:
Listen to another riddle: “And today I got another grade…”
VOVKA SIDOROV (shouts):
Three, three I again received in mathematics.
STUDENT (addressing the audience in the hall):
Well Vovka and slow-witted! Well dumbass! Although ... I look, his face is cunning, tricky. Maybe he played me? Today is April 1st!!!
(Leonid Medvedev)
17. About parents
A man in a clothing store dials a number on his cell phone.
Man: Hello, honey! … Did our Mishka do his homework? … Yes? How about in his diary? Good, yes?! So, did he leave the room? Crap! Did you eat soup? Nothing ... I just went to the store, and then the sale of belts!
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